The undeniable tradition of widespread academic excellence ; Why Duke?

Any help you can give is appreciated.

The undeniable tradition of widespread academic excellence most attracts me to Duke University. The university's myriad of world-renowned programs appeal to a student with a wide variety of interests, like me. No matter the major I eventually choose, I will study under experts with a wealth of knowledge and experience in their field. Beyond the quality and prestige of a Duke education, this university offers a uniquely cohesive scholastic experience. The Duke Focus Program, to which I plan to apply, serves as the premier example of this unified educational atmosphere. While I have always performed best in the sciences, I try to avoid being a prototypical "science student"- by giving equal care and effort to my humanities courses. Having a broad base of knowledge has only improved my overall performance and learning experience. I do not see anything odd about a physics major with a passion for writing and I imagine the Duke Focus Program would support this belief. Its communal aspects, like small group seminars and shared housing, also attract me to the program. Learning in community can inspire the most thoughtful conversations and truly explore important questions. Studying alone has its merits, but I feel that my most productive learning occurs during intelligent in-class discussions or study groups. I believe the Duke Focus Program will foster this sense of unified education with my fellow classmates.

In addition to Duke's elite academics, it is impossible to ignore the school's tradition of superior athletics. Although I do not plan to try out for a varsity team, the sense of community these teams build is invaluable to the university. It has always been important for me to attend a university where intense school spirit is the norm. I already support my high school's basketball team at both home and away games and I wholeheartedly plan to join the Cameron Crazies and contribute all the school spirit I can at Duke games. Beyond the fun of the games, I think it is instrumental to a comprehensive college experience to be passionate about your school in all of its facets. The same sense of unity felt in the halls and the classrooms of Duke I hope to experience in the stands come game-night.

I hope to experience the same sense of unity felt in the halls and classrooms of Duke come game-night.
However I think you mean the opposite, no?

In addition to Duke's elite academics, it is impossible to ignore the school's tradition of superior athletics. Although I do not plan to try out for a varsity team, the sense of community these teams build is invaluable to the university. It has always been important for me to attend a university where intense school spirit is the norm. I already support my high school's basketball team at both home and away games and I wholeheartedly plan to join the Cameron Crazies and contribute all the school spirit I can at Duke games. Beyond the fun of the games, I think it is instrumental to a comprehensive college experience to be passionate about your school in all of its facets. The same sense of unity felt in the halls and the classrooms of Duke I hope to experience in the stands come game-night.

Take that out, the admissions officer do not have to know that but otherwise there is nothing else I suggest should be modified. You were very detailed and you reference certain focal points of the universities (by referencing the programs) to show that you have done research (and is very much interested in the university).

Good job!!

May you please look over my nyu supplemental on "what intrigues you"? much help is appreciated n_n