Undervalued at a hackathon - Waterloo AIF Question #3 - Experience Reflection

This is my response to the third AIF question at University of Waterloo. I think it has a strong start but I'm not completely sold on the wording. Any advice would be appreciated!

3. Describe a situation where you were treated unfairly or witnessed someone else being treated unfairly. What did you do at the time and why? Would you do anything differently if the same situation occurred today? Has this event impacted or changed who you are now and if so, how? (150-word limit)

After winning my first hackathon, I was on a victory high. Wanting to feel the rush of accomplishment again, I signed up for my second hackathon. After finding a team through awkward conversation, we got straight to work. However, during development, I felt undervalued. My team picked languages and tools I didn't understand, rejected my ideas, and quickly sidelined me, making me feel useless. Knowing I was capable of more, at my next hackathon, I attended solo and built a complex rhythm game under a time crunch. I accomplished more than I thought was possible and still felt the rush of accomplishment from my first hackathon. I realized that my former teammates' actions had held me back. If this were to happen again, I'd speak up for myself, now knowing how much my self-esteem impacts my own abilities. Letting others belittle me only prevents me from reaching my full potential.

While your story shows how you eventually recovered from being undervalued by your teammates, it took time for you to establish that outcome. The essay requires you to explain what you did to correct the situation at that moment in time, not at a later date. Therefore, the time line of your response is unacceptable. You may want to change the time line for that event or, opt for a different response altogether.

The reviewers use these questions to develop an idea of the kind of person you are. In this case, the second option allows you show how you function as a member of a community where someone is seen as different from the rest. I would rather learn about your personality and what you stand for in a community of peers. That way you can show the reviewer the person that you are beyond the academic setting. It is important that he sees you as a well rounded person in this presentation.