This is a working essay that I want to use for the extracurricular section of my common app. My worries: is this too deep for this type of essay? is it too concise? Let me know your thoughts!
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After all the hustle and bustle of [my restaurant]'s Saturday dinner rush, there are a few jobs that need to be done. I had just begun these duties one night when two native Mexican workers passed by me holding food. I looked over at them as they ate.
There- as they leaned against a dirty wall, eating food they could barely afford, a fly buzzing around their heads- I realized that this was the best life our society could give them. Because of the way they spoke and where they were from, they would never have the opportunities I have. We tend to overlook our blessings, but while working this job I have recognized that life has been much fairer to me than it has to others.
* * * *
After all the hustle and bustle of [my restaurant]'s Saturday dinner rush, there are a few jobs that need to be done. I had just begun these duties one night when two native Mexican workers passed by me holding food. I looked over at them as they ate.
There- as they leaned against a dirty wall, eating food they could barely afford, a fly buzzing around their heads- I realized that this was the best life our society could give them. Because of the way they spoke and where they were from, they would never have the opportunities I have. We tend to overlook our blessings, but while working this job I have recognized that life has been much fairer to me than it has to others.
