I am applying to University of Texas at Austin School of Architecture and this is my first essay. The prompt is below. the next couple of paragraphs.
I really appreciate and would LOVE suggestions and EDITS on my paper. I can not decide if my issue is too weak but I did not want to choose and issue that was overdone i.e. abortion, death penalty, etc.
Thanks again for all of your help
Topic B: REQUIRED
Choose an issue of importance to you-the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope-and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.
Bias. It affects anything and everything having to do with decision making, and effects each and every one of us daily. Unfair bias is something that really pushes me to the edge and has transformed me into a person who I see as more adapt to engage the challenges ahead of them.
Bias without a doubt has played a big role in the development of my character and personality. One of the mot profound instances in which unfair bias affected me was in 8th grade while trying out for the basketball team. At a school, whose primary focus was football, it was difficult to be noticed. After, having a pretty decent tryout, I found out that I was out done by several people of definite lower skill than me but had started on the football team. Since I had had high hopes to play basketball in high school, this was a crushing blow to both my self confidence and my belief in "fairness". Not only did these insufficiently talented people make the team, they did not even care that they made the team. From then on, I was forced to gaze upon undeserving, and unthankful football jocks take my spot on the basketball team only because the coaches were biased towards them. I was able to turn this rotten and corrupt situation into one I could learn from. It was a crutch in helping me learn to deal with things that were not fair and to accept things I could not change. That woeful parental saying of "life isn't fair" would begin to become clearer as I moved through adverse circumstances such as these.
Accepting bias has been one of the most difficult things for me to learn but also one of the most beneficial in the advancement of my mindset and personality. The idea of accepting unfair bias is a painful thought on its own and is something that no one wants to do. Although, once I was able to come to terms with accepting unfair bias, I began developing the skills to not only accept it, but to build positively off of it. The ability to accept bias has come in handy numerous times throughout my high school career. It has taught me that even with a setback; you can fight back and beat unfair bias with hard work and determination. Just recently, I was given a zero on a test since I was seen talking while a test was still out. Even though I had no intentions of cheating, rules were rules and the teacher would not have it. The worst part about it is the girl I was conversing with was given no such punishment even though she was clearly talking. Our teacher obviously liked her as a student and most likely for that reason, did not punish her. I ended working my hind off to achieve a good grade in the class and ended up making one of the best grades I have ever made in that class even surpassing the girl that was not punished. If not for my gained ability to accept unfair bias, I would not have found the fire to work hard and achieve something that I my never have achieved in the first place. These are qualities that I think can help me greatly in a college atmosphere in which hard work and determination are a necessity in order to achieve your goals.
I have gained many attributes from unfair bias throughout my life to where I now feel that I am fully equipped to take on the bigger challenges of college, life, and whatever else may come my way. I hope and look forward to attending a college in which there are no prior inclinations toward the students and where everyone has equal and unbiased opportunities to succeed at their goals. These attributes have taught me not to accept that the world is unfair but to fight for what I believe in and achieve it with hard work and to never give up. I believe that the University of Texas at Austin School of Architecture can provide this situation exactly as I have described it and is the best choice to aid me in achieving my most desired life goals.
I really appreciate and would LOVE suggestions and EDITS on my paper. I can not decide if my issue is too weak but I did not want to choose and issue that was overdone i.e. abortion, death penalty, etc.
Thanks again for all of your help
Topic B: REQUIRED
Choose an issue of importance to you-the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope-and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.
Bias. It affects anything and everything having to do with decision making, and effects each and every one of us daily. Unfair bias is something that really pushes me to the edge and has transformed me into a person who I see as more adapt to engage the challenges ahead of them.
Bias without a doubt has played a big role in the development of my character and personality. One of the mot profound instances in which unfair bias affected me was in 8th grade while trying out for the basketball team. At a school, whose primary focus was football, it was difficult to be noticed. After, having a pretty decent tryout, I found out that I was out done by several people of definite lower skill than me but had started on the football team. Since I had had high hopes to play basketball in high school, this was a crushing blow to both my self confidence and my belief in "fairness". Not only did these insufficiently talented people make the team, they did not even care that they made the team. From then on, I was forced to gaze upon undeserving, and unthankful football jocks take my spot on the basketball team only because the coaches were biased towards them. I was able to turn this rotten and corrupt situation into one I could learn from. It was a crutch in helping me learn to deal with things that were not fair and to accept things I could not change. That woeful parental saying of "life isn't fair" would begin to become clearer as I moved through adverse circumstances such as these.
Accepting bias has been one of the most difficult things for me to learn but also one of the most beneficial in the advancement of my mindset and personality. The idea of accepting unfair bias is a painful thought on its own and is something that no one wants to do. Although, once I was able to come to terms with accepting unfair bias, I began developing the skills to not only accept it, but to build positively off of it. The ability to accept bias has come in handy numerous times throughout my high school career. It has taught me that even with a setback; you can fight back and beat unfair bias with hard work and determination. Just recently, I was given a zero on a test since I was seen talking while a test was still out. Even though I had no intentions of cheating, rules were rules and the teacher would not have it. The worst part about it is the girl I was conversing with was given no such punishment even though she was clearly talking. Our teacher obviously liked her as a student and most likely for that reason, did not punish her. I ended working my hind off to achieve a good grade in the class and ended up making one of the best grades I have ever made in that class even surpassing the girl that was not punished. If not for my gained ability to accept unfair bias, I would not have found the fire to work hard and achieve something that I my never have achieved in the first place. These are qualities that I think can help me greatly in a college atmosphere in which hard work and determination are a necessity in order to achieve your goals.
I have gained many attributes from unfair bias throughout my life to where I now feel that I am fully equipped to take on the bigger challenges of college, life, and whatever else may come my way. I hope and look forward to attending a college in which there are no prior inclinations toward the students and where everyone has equal and unbiased opportunities to succeed at their goals. These attributes have taught me not to accept that the world is unfair but to fight for what I believe in and achieve it with hard work and to never give up. I believe that the University of Texas at Austin School of Architecture can provide this situation exactly as I have described it and is the best choice to aid me in achieving my most desired life goals.
