The University of the Arts- What Inspires you?

I am currently applying as a transfer student and would like some feedback on my essay so far. I am transferring into the Industrial Design major.

Topic: "What Inspires You?"

In 150-300 words, please tell us what inspires you.

(This essay has 267 words.)

One of the key aspects about Industrial Design is that it grants the individual the capability of being creative while balancing challenges of making that idea tangible. Living in different countries has granted me the ability to see and experience what innovators from other cultural backgrounds and skills have been able to produce for those specific environments. Innovation inspires me to become one of those individuals.

One of the leading innovators of our time, Steve Jobs, once said, "Everyone here has the sense that right now is one of those moments when we are influencing the future." The twenty first century has been filled with revolutions in the world of technology, ranging from products that are aimed for entertainment such as the iPod, or necessities such as medical equipment. The most successful companies of our time are led by innovation; it's what keeps them in the industry.

Innovation has proven to me that it can only move us forward, not backwards. My experience living in a third world country for eight years motivated me to use my artistic ability for a good cause. I want to explore the various fields within Industrial design that will allow me to use my creative mind to create products that are innovative. Though I do not own all the necessary instruments at the present moment to create the next generation of Hybrid cars or refrigerators, I have the ability to turn my thought's into concrete ideas; ideas that continue to manifest in hopes of one day being of use to the community.

One of the key aspects of Industrial Design is that it grants the individual the capability of being creative while balancing challenges of making that idea tangible.

My experience of living in a third world country for eight years motivated me to use my artistic ability for a good cause.

This is a great essay! They'll be lucky to have you as a student! Good luck with school and have fun!

:)

Thank you so much!

I do have a concern though, I asked my parents to critique it. They said they didn't like the way it starts, they didn't like the choice of vocabulary and they said it doesn't have an introduction or the parts of an essay.

I just don't want my parent's critique to get the best of me which is why I ask for the critique in this forum.

The first paragraph is actually excellent. It's interesting and to the point, and sums up what your essay is about, just like it's supposed to! No worries!

'how SCAD has bestowed upon them' - Savannah College of Art and Design

Industrial Design allows the individual the capability of being creative while balancing the challenges of making that idea tangible. Living in different countries has given me the opportunity to see and experience what innovators from various cultural backgrounds and skills have been able to produce for those specific environments. Innovation inspires me to become one of those individuals.

As one of the leading innovators of our time, Steve Jobs, once said, "Everyone here has the sense that right now is one of those moments when we are influencing the future." The twenty first century has been filled with revolutions in the world of technology, ranging from products that are aimed for entertainment such as the iPod, or necessities such as medical equipment for hospitals. The most successful companies of our time are led by innovation; it's what keeps them ahead in the industry.

Innovation has proven to me that it can only move us forward, not backwards. Upon living in a third world country for twelve years, I am motivated to use my artistic ability for philanthropic causes. Living in Paraguay revealed to me the unfortunate conditions in which the people live in and the necessity of creating products that will help industrialize these countries. I want to explore the various fields within Industrial design that will allow me to use my creative mind to create products that are cutting edge and beneficial. Though I do not own all the necessary instruments at the present moment to create the next generation of Hybrid cars, glucometers or refrigerators, I have the ability to turn my thought's into concrete ideas; ideas that continue to manifest in hopes of one day being of use to the community.

As an alumnus of the Disney College Program, I have experience in leadership and diversity. This internship exposed me to different professional environments in which I could apply my leadership skills and communication, as well as granting me the ability to be creative. I was able to create magical moments for the guest's by teaching them how to draw different Disney Character's and apply my communication skills in such a diverse group of guest's. I was also mentored by Tricia Garwood, a Walt Disney Legacy Award Winner, who provided me with guidance and challenges through my Creativity and Innovation course.

I was able to visit both campuses for the Savannah College of Art and Design, which really allowed me to see and experience the renowned quality of education that the university has to offer. I was intrigued by the cutting edge technology and the students who also served as our tour guides for the day. The ambience of their character really demonstrated how SCAD has bestowed upon them all the necessary skills to succeed.

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My current issue with this essay is trying to tie the portion that involves my personal experience and my commitment to enrolling, to the rest of the essay.

The first 3 paragraphs focus more on my goals and aspirations, but I'd like to be able to tie it up with the rest of the essay which would be the last 2 paragraphs.

In a sense, I need some help concluding this essay, or if my conclusion is good the way it is right now.

Thank you in advance!

I think you should go a little more in-depth about your experience living in Paraguay and how this has inspired you to become the person you've become. Also, at the end, you need a more powerful conclusion. The admissions office at SCAD already knows they have an amazing school, don't use this time to remind them of this, but instead as a time to show them why you are amazing.

The twenty first century has been filled with revolutions in the world of technology, ranging from products that are aimed at entertainment such as the iPod, or necessities, such as medical equipment for hospitals.

I want to explore the various fields within Industrial design which will allow me to use my creative mind to create products that are cutting edge and beneficial.

Cool essay, and I bet the Disney College was so much fun! Good luck with school!

:)