Hello,
this is my personal statement for UC transfer application answering prompt #2. I would like to have critical feedback and grammar check.
Prompt #2:
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
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The anatomy lab was different on that day. There were shiny golden boxes stacked in shape of a pyramid in front of the entrance; veins and ropes were hung all over the ceiling while the walls were covered with Egyptian hieroglyphics; the counters were full of exhibition species; the cabinet at the corner was transformed to a stone tomb with a treasure chest inside. It was no longer a boring lab for college students only - it was for the kids then. Science Night, an annual science exhibition cooperated by faculty members and students on campus and dedicated to the kids in the community in pursuit of encouraging their love in science, has been the biggest and most popular event for years. I was the designer of the anatomy lab that time.
Every year our student organization always decorates the anatomy lab for this event; as a vice president with full of creative ideas, I became the person in charge of it. Although being a biology-major student, my love in design never stops. Realizing the need of attraction to the kids, I constructed the excavation of an ancient tomb theme for the lab. For a month, I worked from sketching, looking for materials, designing game and riddles for prizes, to organizing work for volunteers on the day of the event. My idea of using hieroglyphics as riddles for the kids was a success: the exhibition species' name was written in hieroglyphics and they had to decipher with a giving key sheet for prizes in the treasure chest. The kids had to decipher the riddles, find the correct species on the counter and turn in their answer to the guards at the stone tomb. The anatomy lab became the most crowded place during Science Night, as the kids enjoyed the decoration and participated in deciphering the hieroglyphics for prizes; they felt like they were doing a real excavation. It was a strike. More than 300 kids and their parents visited the anatomy lab as we ran out of the decipher sheets on that night. The feedback from faculty members and community was excellent as they said we should keep the theme every year from then.
Looking at the happy faces of the kids after they deciphered the riddles, even though I was exhausted, I felt so happy and proud of my work. With my creativity, I brought the joy and passion in exploring science to the kids. It was a chance for me not only to demonstrate my ability in design, but also to contribute my work to the community. Perhaps one day these kids will grow up, become college students and do my work in passing the passion of exploring science to the next generation.
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Thank you very much!
this is my personal statement for UC transfer application answering prompt #2. I would like to have critical feedback and grammar check.
Prompt #2:
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
------------------------------------------------------------ -----------
The anatomy lab was different on that day. There were shiny golden boxes stacked in shape of a pyramid in front of the entrance; veins and ropes were hung all over the ceiling while the walls were covered with Egyptian hieroglyphics; the counters were full of exhibition species; the cabinet at the corner was transformed to a stone tomb with a treasure chest inside. It was no longer a boring lab for college students only - it was for the kids then. Science Night, an annual science exhibition cooperated by faculty members and students on campus and dedicated to the kids in the community in pursuit of encouraging their love in science, has been the biggest and most popular event for years. I was the designer of the anatomy lab that time.
Every year our student organization always decorates the anatomy lab for this event; as a vice president with full of creative ideas, I became the person in charge of it. Although being a biology-major student, my love in design never stops. Realizing the need of attraction to the kids, I constructed the excavation of an ancient tomb theme for the lab. For a month, I worked from sketching, looking for materials, designing game and riddles for prizes, to organizing work for volunteers on the day of the event. My idea of using hieroglyphics as riddles for the kids was a success: the exhibition species' name was written in hieroglyphics and they had to decipher with a giving key sheet for prizes in the treasure chest. The kids had to decipher the riddles, find the correct species on the counter and turn in their answer to the guards at the stone tomb. The anatomy lab became the most crowded place during Science Night, as the kids enjoyed the decoration and participated in deciphering the hieroglyphics for prizes; they felt like they were doing a real excavation. It was a strike. More than 300 kids and their parents visited the anatomy lab as we ran out of the decipher sheets on that night. The feedback from faculty members and community was excellent as they said we should keep the theme every year from then.
Looking at the happy faces of the kids after they deciphered the riddles, even though I was exhausted, I felt so happy and proud of my work. With my creativity, I brought the joy and passion in exploring science to the kids. It was a chance for me not only to demonstrate my ability in design, but also to contribute my work to the community. Perhaps one day these kids will grow up, become college students and do my work in passing the passion of exploring science to the next generation.
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Thank you very much!