I realize I have a lot of editing to do, I'm about 180 words over the limit :(
What I really want to know is if this essay casts me in a negative light, or makes me sound batshit insane. I've toned down the crazy considerably, but I'm still unsure...
500 words - Prompt: Tell us about a book you have read that you found especially challenging, stimulating, or provocative. Explain why it made an impact on you.
In the beginning, there were six of us. I was mildly surprised, because just about fifteen people had picked up The Brothers Karamazov, thus unofficially pledging their loyalty to the class. After the second day there were five, and we were sitting around a small table joking and wondering who was going to be the next to leave. But no one did, and we became the Russian Literature class of 2010. The students in other electives were baffled at how we had the time to read 200 pages of Dostoevsky a week, and the answer was that we did it because we wanted to. Those few weeks in which I read Fyodor Dostoevsky's The Brothers Karamazov were some of the most remarkable weeks of my life, and I'm sure my classmates would agree when I say that the experience was one that cannot be regretted.
Karamazov follows the story of three brothers, Dmitri, Ivan and Alyosha, and their father. It was saturated with philosophy that didn't inhibit the characters' abilities to stand out as developed and utterly real human beings with flaws of their own. It was often a humorous book, but there were times when I would be shaken from my reverie and acknowledge the fact Karamazov was not only the joyful book described in the introduction, but an examination of the human condition.
The students in other electives were baffled at how we had the time to read 200 pages of Dostoevsky each week, and the answer was that we did it because we wanted to.
Trim away the fluff:
I admit that i It wasn't the best time of year to read...
It was by far the most enjoyable reading assignment my...
I'm unsure about leaving in the last part of this sentence because I think it calls for more explanation, and I don't have much room------------make room, it's an important part, very important! Very impressive.
Cut the intro down to size if necessary; take a hard look at that first paragraph and notice that it is possible to express the most important ideas of that whole para IN A SINGLE SENTENCE. Try it! You'll see...
:-)
So the intro is the best part to trim? I started on the summary part, moving things around in the first two paragraphs and cutting things. I realized that the second paragraph restates things and says things that can be assumed from the essay.
Although it has some grammatical mistakes, this is a good essay.
I think the reader would be more interesting if you threw some quotes from the book there.
Plus, since your word limit is low, we didn't need to know that the class has only 5 students and you guys joked around. You could have cut that out and focused more on the book, you could simply say that you choose that book for any different other reason (sudden interest in Russian culture, a recommendation by a friend, or anything more creative...)
This draft is good, working on it a little bit would make an outstanding essay.
P.S: Can you comment on my Texas A&M Essay?
ok..Here's my current draft ..just pretend the book titles are italicized:
In the beginning, there were six of us. I was mildly surprised, because just about fifteen people had picked up The Brothers Karamazov, thus unofficially pledging their loyalty to the class. After the second day there were five, and we were sitting around a small table joking and wondering who was going to be the next to leave. But no one did, and we became the Russian Literature class of 2010. The students in other electives were baffled at how we had the time to read 200 pages of Dostoevsky a week, and the answer was that we did it because we wanted to. Those few weeks in which I read Fyodor Dostoevsky's The Brothers Karamazov were some of the most remarkable weeks of my life, and I'm sure my classmates would agree when I say that the experience was one that cannot be regretted.
The Brothers Karamazov follows the story of three brothers, Dmitri, Ivan and Alyosha, and their father. It was saturated with philosophy that didn't inhibit the characters' abilities to stand out as developed and utterly real human beings with flaws of their own. It was often a humorous book, but there were times when I would be shaken from my reverie and acknowledge the fact Karamazov was not only the joyful book described in the introduction, but an examination of the human condition.
One of the characters I empathize with is Lise Khokhlazov. When we were first introduced to Lise, I disliked her immensely. She struck me as an tiresome, manipulative young girl who shot from two extremes: being deeply in love with the youngest brother, Alyosha, and outbursts of hysteria. After her encounter with Ivan, this mania was replaced by a deep seated resentment for the world. Lise's volatile nature became stuck in one gear, allowing her manic side to create a cesspool of misguided anger in which she was overwhelmed. Instead of trying to fix anything through thought or action, Lise let herself fall completely into her morbid fantasies. She ceased trying to separate the good things from the bad and ended up loathing all ideas and peoples, including her fiancé, Alyosha.
I am somewhat ashamed to say that I related to this character, and I find it a bit of a paradox that I can say this. Having as many philosophical mood swings as Lise, I seldom find a character that can pull me out of my frequent emotional gutter. I change my stance on the very topics Lise was struggling with (such as her fluctuating sense of morality) just as often as she. When I read the culmination of Lise's story-line, it resonated with me so thoroughly that I was half convinced Dostoevsky could read my mind. But after it was over, and Lise was seemingly gone forever, I couldn't stop wondering what became of the girl last seen bitterly slamming her finger in a door.
At last I realized I had to let her go. Another thing I loved about The Brothers Karamazov was the incredible range of characters Dostoevsky has laid out before us. Seeing Lise next to the "public slut" Grushenka, and watching the different paths they took to absolve themselves from suffering allowed me to put Lise in perspective and in turn, help me absolve myself from her suffering. The Brothers Karamazov's wonderful characters taught me a lesson I never really knew I needed, a lesson that took months to make itself obvious. Even if the big picture is not clear, there is no reason to stop trying to find it. Thought and intellectual stimulation are keys to growth and happiness, and I look forward to the years of higher education to come.
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