So can anyone give me some feed back on these? Thanks!!! (:
Prompt 1: Tell us a story from your life, describing an experience that either demonstrates your character or helped to shape it.
"Sitting closely with smiling faces, our hands and imaginations got to work. Her fingers danced along the page with movement like a ballerina's while mine produced furious but bold strokes and splashes of color in between. To others, we seemed like two silly little girls working our energy away through finger painting, but for us, this reality was no different than that of a passionate conductor performing at a concert. It is also hard to believe that just hours ago, we were the worst of enemies as well.
In our preschool, I was the odd one out because of my shy demeanor and awkward silences that left others annoyed and unwilling to befriend me. To pass the lonesome time left in my hands, I blandly doodled in my workbook pages and took a small interest in sketching the crows that landed in the yard. These small artistic pleasures comforted me the most but did not find a place in my heart yet. And then I met Camille, another schoolmate of mine. She was nothing like me: loud, obnoxious and nosy, she drove me up the wall whenever she tried to take a peek at my drawings and would noisily exclaim when I pushed her away.
Simply having enough of her one day, I drew her a picture of a crow and handed it over in an irritated shove. Unsurprisingly ecstatic at first, she made me the one taken aback when she asked me to teach her how to draw. I, being unable to take another whining tantrum from her if I didn't, obediently agreed, and we sat down loaded with scratch paper and crayons. And that's when the magic began. Camille amazed me; for her age, she displayed an almost perfect composition in her knowledge and skill for art. Her graceful movements with crayon to paper when drawing was strange in comparison to her personality but nonetheless, the finished product looked more bird- like than any other kids' artwork I had seen. I was simply enchanted. Instead of being annoyed and envious of such talent, I begged her to become the teacher instead as it did not seem like she needed help from me, which she willingly agreed to. The connection we both felt together for the first time made me realize that I wasn't alone; Camille is my friend, and thanks to her, I finally found something I could be genuinely passionate about. The feeling from watching Camille express herself through drawing inspired me to want to improve and draw even more. In my eyes from that point on, art became not only something for leisure, but something special that helps me connect with others.
My first encounter with the brilliant feeling from the ability to create art gave me new life and friendship and also paved the road to the many opportunities offered from such skills. Years later when I entered high school, I was able to use this gift in many school activities and projects. And each time, that wonderful sensation of happiness and satisfaction from my work continues to grow and never dulls. Art changed and shaped my life and who I am by giving me the much needed confidence in knowing that I can motivate others with my work just like Camille did with me. Art is life, and life can be art if you open your heart and let passion and inspiration flow in."
Prompt 2: Describe an experience of cultural difference, positive or negative, you have had or observed. What did you learn from it?
"Since birth, I have lived my life in Southern California where sunny days are taken for granted. I scoffed when watching out-of-state contestants on American Idol go crazy about coming to Hollywood but grew wide-eyed when friends from Massachusetts described falling snow. I avoided attending Chinese school because English was my friend and if you asked me what Chinese food I like, "beef and broccoli" would be the reply. I was your typical Chinese- American Californian kid-- sunburned and ignorant, but at least I knew the difference between Chow Mein and Chow Fan.
It was a culture shock for me during my trip to China four summers ago after not being there for nearly ten years. Sitting at the dinner table in a restaurant on my second night, I found myself staring back at a steamed fish head and I could swear I saw it wink with its eye. The plates surrounding consisted of goose liver, Bird's Nest soup, and no fried chicken in sight. And guess who were my dinner guests? Mao Zhe Dong's family and daughter-in-law. Perfect. Nothing like a political powerhouse family to complete my night (My grandfather and MZD's daughter-in-law are friends who met during a photography convention!).
Alone from shuddering after my first bite of creamy liver, I also jumped when MZD's daughter-in-law snapped because the "soup tasted bad" and ordered the chef to come in and apologize. Mandarin was the only language spoken and I looked pitiful trying to speak it. I also wondered whether being "unhygienic" was a concern since public nose-picking and spitting loudly were the night's most occurring actions.
The rest of the trip consisted of more "What?!" reactions that exploded in my brain from either riding on a man- pulled cart or learning that eating turtles were a-ok, but none could compare to that night with Mao Zhe Dong's family. However, China's seemingly strange customs began to warm up to me. Seeing long and yellowed fingernails was funny (trivia: some Chinese keep only their pinky and thumb nails long to use for peeling oranges and picking their nose.), incense-stick smell IS bearable, and stinky tofu is yummy. The best parts were being able to walk on the busy streets and hear the hustle and bustle I could never get from my suburban home in the US, and of course, be able to scale that Great Wall and realize that trekking across the entire thing is impossible.
I came home that August changed; no longer did I think it was crazy to eat chicken feet or believe that Feng Shui was only practiced in homes and not schools too. Although I am Chinese by blood, I still never understood my own culture until then. Who knew being exposed to the traditions and customs of your own ethnicity would feel so great? For me, it was like I had rediscovered myself. I feel happy knowing I will never be as ignorant as I was before I stepped into that plane for China."
So what do you guys think? (: Thanks for your time!!!
Not bad! Very colorful and funny! (i chuckled-thats a very good reaction) Makes me want to meet you- and I just might since I'm applying there too! (see my "What I learned when being called a communist essay")
Unique, entertaining, and reveals your character. I'm confident they will love them :).
Unsurprisingly ecstatic at first, ( I don't know what you mean by this!) she made me the one I was taken aback when she asked me to teach her how to draw.
I, being unable to take another whining tantrum from her if I didn't, obediently agreed, and we sat down loaded with scratch paper and crayons.--- great sentence!!
The first one is great. Other than the above, I would no want to change much about it. You write very eloquently. I think you use adverbs and adjectives very nicely, but remember that sometimes they can become too much, and oftentimes you can even improve an essay by taking out an adverb.
As for the second one... I can't even explain how much I like about that first paragraph. It is really high quality stuff.
And guess who were my dinner guests? ------- this does not really need a question mark.
And guess who were my dinner guests? --- this way, it works.
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