USC - Describe your academic interests with first and second choice majors.

Hi Guys, I'm quite new to this. I'm hoping to apply to USC. Please review my essay.
Prompt - Describe how you plan to pursue your academic interests at USC. Please feel free to address your first- and second-choice major selections. (250 word limit).

sweet usc

To me, USC is like a Ferrero Rocher - a gem with countless, nutty, chocolate layers just waiting to be explored, savored. Sinking my teeth into the crunchy, tough outer coating of the gem, the challenge of spending the next four years of my life in Southern California comes to mind.

As I work my way through the coat and find my way into the comfortingly soft, biscuit shell, I feel closer to the USC community - the warm, inviting xxx architecture, the xxx housing, a realm away from the busy streets of xxxx. I am at the silken chocolate sphere now. This melt-in-your-mouth feeling is as arousing as the discovery of USC's curriculum. Neuroscience and xxxx - my eyes glass over as I scroll through the offerings.

But these are just layers. They build up to the tartan white, hazelnut core - the wholesome USC undergraduate experience. It's at USC where I feel I won't need to be pushed out of my comfort zone - I'll just emerge into it's beautiful and welcoming environment. Hearing about the research carried out at USC puts the icing on the cake.

It is 189 words, how do I make it longer and how do I appeal the Admission officers while still being true to myself. Also I am going for a career in Neurosurgery as first choice and maybe computer science as second (I have not thought of second choice yet) and how do I ellaborate on that in the essay

@mark_o The essay requires you to think forward regarding your academic time at USC. The requirement is that you prove that you have a plan for your studies and you have a clear idea as to how USC fits into you academic plans. For example, envisioning becoming a cutting edge neurosurgeon who develops an experimental technique while a student at USC would indicate a a familiarity with the science and computer department of the university. Knowing what your first and second major choices are will be integral to the writing of this essay because you can successfully merge the two into your career in the medical sciences. You need to be direct to the point in this instance. You are being too flowery in this version of the essay. It doesn't really tell the reviewer anything specific about your familiarity with the university. Talk directly to the reviewer. This is a formal interview, not a creative writing exercise. You have been asked a direct question so your response should also be as direct as possible. Don't beat around the bush, get to the point. He doesn't have time to ponder the meaning of your response.

You failed to address your first and second choice majors. You also focused too much on the chocolate concept rather than what USC has to actually offer.

Help with mine?

@mark_o
Make sure you answer the question. It asks you "how", not "what do you think about USC"?
Also, make sure you know what are you going to study. How will the reviewer be convinced with your motivation if you yourself have no idea what you are going to do?