USC Essay ignorance in the presence of knowlege

Prompt: tell us about an external influence (a person, event...) that affected you and how it caused you to change directions. (500-700wrds)

i am quite unsatisfied with this essay. especially teh second to last paragraph. please help me improve it.
are there any terrible logic holes? i know this essay is a bit opinionated
also i often have trouble choosing correct punctuation. mainly with dashes, colons and semicolons
also if there is anything to be cut. id like this essay to be a bit shorter it is 698wrds

note: persons mentioned in this essay are mentioned under an alias for obvious reasons

"James: there was a study done that says more poor ppl (black/mexicans) use myspace
than facebook... I [saw] some mexican girl going on myspace in art class and i was like study proof'd!
me: idt i ever been on myspace
9:29 PM James: it's quite annoying with its flashy crap and personalization
most black ppl don't know how to personalize and just add all the shit they can find which makes their myspace page take forever to load"

The first couple months I knew him, he seemed like an alright guy. He was smart, and easy to laugh. We shared similarities in that we were both Chinese, a fact that carried along common cultural values and influences; however, as I came to know him well over the last two years, I found that though never showing it in public, James privately held beliefs that were quite racist. He has voiced on several occasions how he hates illegal immigrants and he looks down those belonging to a lower social class, namely "blacks and Mexicans". When I uncovered this unsettling aspect of his character, I was taken completely unawares. James didn't fit the common stereotype of those referred to as "rednecks". For one thing, though not illegal, James was an immigrant himself. Being well aware of the drawbacks of illegal immigration and the various arguments on its economic effects, I was still unable to comprehend James' lack of understanding. How could he hate those less fortunate than him, who like him and me, came to America for the same reasons: the pursuit of a better life, equal opportunities, and education? How could he so blatantly reflect these supremacist stereotypes when he should know better? James was not uneducated-having been recently accepted into Cornell with an essay about how much he loved diversity.

It took me a long time trying to understand James, and really, I still don't. But what I did come to understand is that, perhaps I should not have been so surprised. I found that I had been unknowingly holding on to the misconception that "colored" people were less racist. This realization shamed and puzzled me as I had always been aware that my own parents were pretty racist. They and many of their Chinese friends held the view that most black people were dangerous and uncivilized, yet I had failed to take wisdom from this example and had not incorporated it into my real-life perception of the world.

I feel that, somehow, my blindness was partially affected by the predominantly liberal community that characterizes our school. I had often sympathized with those students that were Conservative but being more of a liberal myself, I felt comfortable amongst my peers. The provocation my conversations with James brought helped me see the downside to such a homogenous atmosphere; In a place where uttering any racist thought was almost taboo, anybody could give reasons as to why racism was bad, but it is in my observation that some of us only reflect on the exterior what is perceived as right but do not truly, whether we admit it to ourselves or not, practice these values. This led me to wonder, in a situation of crisis and high personal stakes, how many people would adhere to these values that we had been taught and peer-influenced to believe in? In a homogeneous atmosphere where beliefs are not often challenged many of us never have the chance to think independently and form opinions for ourselves and, therefore, are unable to truly learn.

My acquaintance with James revealed to me the pitfall of ignorance in the presence of knowledge. It totally changed my perception of what learning really is. To truly learn something, one must not only be taught, but tested. To have learned something incorporates the ability to apply that knowledge in life, and for it to change the way one perceives the world. In college, I hope to encounter those with different cultures and viewpoints not only to experience the spice of life, but to continuously challenge my own beliefs and the beliefs of others in an honest pursuit of learning and understanding of the world.

Well, here is a great piece. As a Chinese visitor student, I do understand and see some of your points. However, here is what I recommend: don't mention James, don't mention what he thinks or does. It is totally unirrevalent and unpersonal to reveal other people's stuff. I honestly wouldn't think this is a good idea.

Someone once told me, if you want to write a public letter, you can not make enemies. You can say, in my opinion, there are still many people being racist even though they themselves are a part of it, or something like that. In this way, you are stating what YOU think, rather than BLAMING what others think and do. I mean, what happens if James under alias came across and happen to see this essay? I advice you to think twice before you write.

Angela

Thanks all for commenting. in reply to Anglea's post, she's made a very good point i am not wanting to sound like i am blaming what others do. The main thing i am trying to convey is how James was the influential person in my life and he helped unveil some misconceptions that i had been carrying. (someting along the lines of thinking you know something but learning that you did not know it as well as you thought...?)

I could not find any way to remove all mention of James from my essay, but what i did do is go back and in the second to last paragraph change it to be more personal.

ex. "it is in my observation that some of these people like Jamesonly reflect on the exterior what is perceived as right but do not truly, whether they admit it to themselves or not, practice these values." i changed to "some of us only reflect on the ....whether we admit it to ourselvesor not..." ect

I need more opnions as to whether this change is enough and what else i can do improve this essay.

sorry, another problem i had with this essay is debating whether to include the quoted converstion in the very beginng. I included it hoping it would add authenticity to my essay and that it would be a more involving and descriptive attention catcher.

what are everyone's thoughts as to wether i should leave it in or not?

Well, you don't need the " " marks if it is in the format of a screenplay type of dialog. However, I would suggest just writing it as dialogue in a novel would be. So, if you take my advice, you will use " " marks and do it like a novel.

Also, simplify it for the reader's sake:

There was a study done that says more poor people use myspace than facebook... I saw some mexican girl going on myspace in art class and i was like study proof'd! me: idt i ever been on myspace its flashy crap and personalizatio nmost black ppl don't know how to personalize and just add all the shit they can find which makes their myspace page take forever to load.

Just do it like this:

"There was a study done that says more poor people use myspace
than facebook...most black ppl don't know how to personalize and just add all the shit they can find which makes their MySpace page take forever to load."

Let this be a paragraph of its own. Then, go on to the next paragraph and explain...

During the first couple months I knew him, he seemed...