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USF essay; having some trouble with the jesuit catholic tradition



mel_sto 1 / -  
Oct 29, 2012   #1
my essay is still in the works i just need some help wit structure and incorporating the mission statement

People always ask me why I want to be a nurse. They rattle off reason after reason why they would never work in health care. Some of the reasons are very familiar, you have to draw blood, you don't have any holidays, you will contract a rare disease, you're on your feet all day; it goes on and on. But to me, it would be the most rewarding and fulfilling career possible. The feeling you get after helping someone trumps having to work on Christmas. When a family thanks you for taking care of their sick mother, many of the negative becomes nonexistent. My strengths, (ambitions) which are in line with the mission of the Jesuit Catholic tradition are foremost, belief in God and his healing power, working hard to achieve my goals, a quest for knowledge, compassion to help others and the upbringing to know and do what is right. I have been taught from a young age live by the golden rule, to do to others what you would have them do to you". These aspects of my beliefs contribute to my strengths and are with the Jesuit Catholic tradition.

Throughout my schooling career, I have always had extracurricular activities and work to take up any spare time. Starting in high school and through my time at college at Cuesta College, I have been playing water polo. Water polo is my outlet for stress at the end of the day. While at times it seems overwhelming to travel all weekend for a full semester, it has taught me some valuable lessons. I have learned that teamwork is everything. Everyone contributes to the success of the team, even those who sit on the bench. It has improved my leadership skills and has taught me that everyone is unique in their own way and many styles of communication are needed for everyone to reach the same understanding. Helping those who are new to the team or who need help with a certain drill improves their time in the pool and contributes to a more successful team.

Along with water polo, working throughout school has been beneficial to my professional development/character? During my time at Cal Poly San Luis Obispo I had a job on campus, where I gained invaluable skills such as communication, time management, and the benefits of being organized. Working while being a full time student has been able to help me transition from college life into the real world and to adapt from just a job to a career. Currently, I work for the State of California, California Environmental Protection Agency with the Air Resources Board. I work in an 866 diesel call center which serves as an outreach tool to the regulated community of truck drivers in California. My job requires me to interpret complicated diesel regulations applicable to diesel trucks and relay regulation requirements in basic language; often with the benefits of these regulations starting in 2020, at least. For me, working at the Air Resources Board while taking nursing prerequisites has improved my analytical skills, my ability to see the bigger picture, and solidified my passion for nursing. Being determined in different aspects of my life and my desire to continue working hard to achieve my dream profession has lead me to where I am today and will hopefully lead me to where I desire.

I used to think that I wanted to help people through helping the environment. This influenced my choice in majoring in environmental management and protection. However, one summer my little brother injured himself on a large utility cart at Home Depot and I had to take him to the emergency room. My mom is a nurse as well as several of my aunts. When I was younger my mom worked in the hospital and I have vague recollections of visiting her and getting little trinkets for her in the hospital gift shop. She has since had a desk job, but I wish I could remember the atmosphere of visiting her while she worked on the hospital floor. Because when I took my brother to the hospital I was overwhelmed by the positive and uplifting spirits of all the nurses working. My aunt works in the neonatal ICU, and I love to visit her. It is such a tight knit community of kind, generous individuals with one sole purpose, and I someday hope to be a part of that community. I have overcome many obstacles to get where I am today.

I have hearing loss, and throughout my childhood I was always scared that someone would discover my hearing aids poking through my hair. I worried so much that I completely stopped wearing them because I was too embarrassed. I came to the realization, later rather than sooner, that it shouldn't matter what other people think. Not being able to completely hear professors lecturing was hindering my educational development. It seemed like I would always miss the key point and would be more lost then if I were to try and teach myself. After I went to the audiologist and was fitted for new hearing aids, I have never enjoyed class more. I thoroughly enjoy going to class and over the years have taken a wide variety of classes from women studies to soil science, and have absorbed each class like a sponge. If I am accepted to your school I will apply this same thirst for knowledge to the nursing program. Overcoming this physical hardship made me realize how lucky I am to have the support and acceptance of those around me, and has increased my desire to return the support to the community.

One of the major reasons why I want to become a nurse is to help others and contribute to society. To me, the best way to make the world a better place is through caring for individuals and families so everyone has an opportunity to achieve optimal quality of life. Since working at Air Resources Board, I have interacted with a wide scope of individuals who come from a variety of backgrounds and no matter what they all have the same wants and needs. I take my time on the phone with each caller to make sure they have the maximum amount of information to help them comply with the regulation and to avoid fines. I have compassion for those who explain dire situations where they are just trying to make ends meet. I always go the farthest to provide callers all the tools and information possible, often it is ways they can try and receive financial funding. At the end of these calls I am rewarded by the outpouring of thanks and gracious comments. I have persistence in relating the same information day after day to individuals who often have a limited English vocabulary. There are many complicated regulations in affect through the air resources board and I pride myself/try my hardest to go beyond the basic information required to know. In doing this I feel like a better resource and am better able to represent the state agency.

For the past five years I have been living in San Luis Obispo, while it is a gorgeous college town close to the beach, I am ready for a change. Not only geographically, but the rich culture of San Francisco is luring. I knew from a young age that I wanted to help others. I used to think that I would do this through improving the environment. Now I know I want to follow in my mother and aunts' footsteps through nursing to help the world become a better place.

cback 1 / 22  
Nov 18, 2012   #2
People always ask me why I want to be a nurse.

This is too boring. You need to grab attention with your first sentence, something that makes the reader want to keep reading. Find the crux of your whole essay, and inject it in the beginning, then slowly build the rest of your essay up to it.

You have a lot of personal and detailed examples and stories, which is good, because it provides a specific picture and account of yourself so the reader gets to know more about you! Using specific names or titles like "Cuesta College" is a good thing as well, as it helps cement the fact that this is a real school rather than the bland generic "in my college".

USF is a jesuit school, so maybe start by writing down the qualities and characteristics stated in the mission statement of the school, and then listing down your qualities, and seeing what matches. Incorporate those qualities in your essay, touching upon both sides.


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