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"ushering people in from sub-zero temperatures" - Stanford Essay



danieljluebke 3 / 7  
Nov 15, 2009   #1
Stanford students are widely known to possess a sense of intellectual vitality. Tell us about an idea or an experience you have had that you find intellectually engaging.

If there's one problem with shaving your head in the middle of a Wisconsin winter it's that without hair the body loses heat very quickly. This isn't something a swimmer ponders near the end of a season in mid-February, since most sensible Wisconsinites spend their time inside.

For me, this routine changed rather quickly when news came that Barack Obama would be speaking in my hometown on the eve of the state's primary. Given my activity in local politics I was asked to volunteer. My job involved ushering people in from sub-zero temperatures to the warmth of a sports arena. Needless to say it was cold.

Once everyone was inside I gained a spot within talking distance of the Senator. At that time I was sure I had experienced the greatest night of my life. The best, however, was yet to come. Six months later my hair had grown back and the weather in Denver was fine. I was waiting in a line miles long to enter the final night of my party's convention.

The experience inside the venue can be compared with nothing else in my life. Exhilarating as it was however, I had an even more meaningful experience prior to entering. Standing in a line that stretched forever gave me the chance to talk with people who held vastly different perspectives and opinions for several hours. Buoyed by my own political inclinations, and the fact I have taken nearly every social science course offered at my school, I was able to gain from the experience. Despite our varied views we avoided rhetoric and expressed real sentiments in what was an incredibly stimulating afternoon. I was more intellectually engaged than I could ever have imagined. There is a literal warmth gained when you grow as a person, and this day, because of events like this, hair would've never been necessary.

EF_Susan - / 2310  
Nov 15, 2009   #2
Well, your first sentence sure is an attention grabber!

"Standing in a line that stretched forever gave me the chance to talk with people who held vastly different perspectives and opinions for several hours."...This sounds wrong, but we can fix it like this;

Standing for several hours in a line that stretched forever gave me the chance to talk with people who held vastly different perspectives and opinions. for several hours.

...and to this day, because of events like this, hair would've never been necessary.

You are a great writer! Thanks for the interesting essay, you gave me renewed energy for reading more today!
OP danieljluebke 3 / 7  
Nov 15, 2009   #3
Thank you very much for your guidance! Your advice makes sense. I only hope the Stanford admissions team will think about it the same way.

If you so desire, I did post two more short essays, if you care to read them. :)
songbird91 /  
Nov 15, 2009   #4
I love this essay- I worked on his campaign too. I only wonder, what exactly did you gain from this? "I was able to gain from the experience. Despite our varied views we avoided rhetoric and expressed real sentiments in what was an incredibly stimulating afternoon." Just support with examples, in my opinion. Otherwise, its great!


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