Prompt: Discuss your favorite place to get lost. (This question was written by U.Va. students who live in one of our residential colleges, Brown College at Monroe Hill.)
When I'm in my mom's arms, time stops, cruelty ends, and life slows down like rich chocolate rippling down a fountain. The world consists of the present- the now. In my mom's arms, I am lost in a world of safety. Her velvety skin serves as a shield and her herbal scent a reminder that she will always be there.
I used to visit her arms as often as I could. When my hamster died, when my dad left for work, or when the mornings were too harsh to confront, I'd scramble to her and let a few minutes-or were they hours- slip by.
In my mom's arms, I wanted to hold on and fit in even forever. However, nothing lasts forever. Shortly after I began high school, Mom suffered from severe depression. Of course, by then, I was too big to fit within her two, skinny arms. Her arms had fallen to the side. Though my mom has recovered from depression in the past year, I know there is no way I can ever recover the same gesture of love.
I will settle for less. I am satisfied though, because today, I cut myself with a razor. My blood oozed out of the deep but narrow cut, and I called for Mom when the blood trickled out the stream. Mom came with a band-aid. Wrapping my finger gently, she hugged it tightly. I secretly imagined being the finger, lost in her protection one last time.
Please critique! Thanksssssssssssss!
Hey, you have a good idea; getting lost in your mom's arms.
I feel like you just brushed past your mom's depression though, maybe you should write more in-depth about that?
And I think that you should emphasize more about why your mom's arms are your favorite place to be.
Also, this sentence "I will settle for less." seems like you're willing to not attempt to reach higher goals, like you're not willing to work hard for what comforts you
"My blood oozed out of the deep but narrow cut, and I called for Mom when the blood streamed trickled out the stream. " <- this sentence is kind of redundant. You could say something like: "I called for Mom when my blood oozed/streamed out of the deep but narrow cut"
I really like the last sentence though, it ends the essay very nicely :)
Good luck with apps~ I'm applying to UVA as well :P
remove I will settle for less..
I am satisfied though, because today, I cut myself with a razor. << the comma aside does not work if you remove it the sentence does not make sense
"trickled out the stream" sounds awkward
I reallly like this ideaaa though and the rest of the essay is very well written
