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UVA supplement. "A Society without Love". suprised, unsettled, challenged



wolflover60 2 / 4  
Oct 29, 2013   #1
Hi. Here's my response to the prompt: What work of art, music, science, mathematics, or literature has surprised, unsettled, or challenged you, and in what way?

I'm not sure if I talk about my feelings enough or if it sounds too much like a review. Any help is greatly appreciated as it's still a rough draft.

One of the most interesting books I have read was The Giver. This dystopian novel features a society where there is no poverty, sickness, unemployment, or crime. It seemed like a "perfect" world where war, disease, and suffering have all been eradicated. The Community strives for "sameness," in which everyone's house, behavior, and belongings are the same and equal. The people have no worries or cares, yet I felt that they were giving up their humanity in order to live in a stable society. While reading the book, it was impossible for me to imagine, a society without choices, colors, weather, or even love.

It bothered me that no one in the society was aware of anything other than what they had been used to. I wished I could tell them all that they were missing. I stopped reading sometimes, for a minute, to look around me and enjoy the colors, the music and the ability to be aware of my emotions. I am grateful to have the freedom of choice in my society. When I reflect on the frequently occurring topics in the news of struggling economies, families facing the consequences of unemployment, and civil unrest within countries, I must debate if it is all worth it. Is it worth giving up the experiences of feeling the sun warm your face, falling in love, and exploring your passions in order to live in a carefree world without any problems.

ChristianB 5 / 22  
Oct 29, 2013   #2
I have a couple comments on the essay, but first, are you applying EA or RD?

Okay, so I think that right now your essay is a bit plain. What I mean by that is this is your chance to impress admissions counselors and really wow them with your essay. Because your topic is such an emotional topic (dealing with poverty, freedom, etc) use more vivid imagery and loaded words that could really make admissions counselors see your deep thought on this deep topic.

A possible approach that you could take (which would require you to rewrite a bit) is start out with explaining a situation in which you see poverty or something of that nature, then recall the a scene from the book then consider whether it's worth it to live in a carefree world without problems. I say this because you really need to show me rather than tell me, so it's best to kind of paint a picture for me and with this picture show how the book impacted you.

Good luck! :)
Enceladus 2 / 2  
Oct 29, 2013   #3
I think the essay should paint a picture of who you are and this really did not do it.


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