To me UWC, is transformational education at its best; Why UWC? International high school application

Hey guys, this is my first Essayforum post so for. I need help to edit and omit some sentences. This is the prompt. For those who don't know UWC high schools are 14 high schools located in 14 countries around the world. UWC promotes multicultural understanding and celebration of differences.

1. Please write a few paragraphs explaining why you are interested in attending a UWC school/college. Reflect on UWC's mission and values, what you might contribute to the school/college if you are selected, and what you would hope to gain from the experience. NOTE: If you indicated a specific UWC in page 3, please explain your choice here. (Maximum 300 words) I have written 323 words.

This is my essay. Be as harsh as you can. Thanks in advance!

To me UWC, is transformational education at its best. Through its celebration of difference and promotion of understanding UWC will serve to me as a defining experience and a journey of self exploration. Through its demanding curriculum and the IB Diploma, UWC will help me to get the skills necessary for my future academic pursuits.

Besides academics to me UWC is also a place where I could pursue extracurricular activities and do community service. At UWC, I might have the opportunity to take the lead of certain clubs or groups related to my passions and I can learn how to become a leader. By serving to the community and to those in need I can enforce my sense of social responsibility and civic duty. Furthermore UWC is a place where I could enhance my abilities to communicate with people and to think learn to think globally. It is a place where I can truly become a global citizen.

There are several ways I may contribute to campus. By representing Albanian culture and traditions, I can help other students on campus gain an insight of Albanian culture, history and traditions. I can take responsibilities related to my extracurricular pursuits and community service. I can take leadership roles, take risks and embrace challenges.

I particularly indicated RCNUWC because I have always fancied Nordic countries and I have always been curious to discover their traditions. RCNUWC also reflects the humanitarian traditions of Red Cross, an organization I recently became part of. Last but not least, RCNUWC's picturesque campus is an ideal place to be for two years of my life.

I indicated UWC Mostar because I want to experience a unique opportunity to live in a post war society. Mostar is to me the ideal place to get lessons from the past. It is also a perfect place to interact with the local community, somehow still troubled by the past. That's what makes UWC Mostar so distinct for me.

Arapi, here is my suggestion for a better take on your essay.

I chose to attend UWC Mostar because of the opportunity to offers me to attend classes in a post war society. The school is located in a historic Albanian location where the past, present, and future all collide to provide me with a unique learning experience, which will only be further enhanced by the academic goals of UWC Mostar.

The UWC Mostar education experience is an international experience that is unique to the students of the school / college. Its transformational education will allow me to have a definitive learning adventure that will allow me to develop my skills and cognitive thinking geared towards the completion of my higher academic demands and pursuits.

I look forward to becoming a productive member of the student community as a potential student leader involved in everything already established clubs, groups, and activities and the establishment of new student extra curricular activities meant to further enhance the student community interactive experience.

This version of the essay is incomplete because your version was also incomplete. You failed to mention a specific mission and value of UWC as a school that you can identify with as a student and how it can help you become a better student and person over the time you will be spending at the school. You also need to mention specific extra curricular activities or clubs that you are looking forward to participating in. Be specific about everything because you need to prove you are familiar with the school and its demands upon its students. Prove that you have the ability to perform academically and socially should you be admitted to the school. If the school has a specific interest in teaching its students, say it leans more towards a scientific education, then explain why you believe that this slant of education will benefit your future college studies.

The word count does not matter at the moment. Just write everything that needs to be written and we will bring down the word count as we edit the essay. We need to finalize the message of the essay then everything else will fall into place.

Thank you very much! I am now rewriting the whole essay and I will post a revised version by tomorrow.