Can someone review my supplemental essays? Thanks for any advice on the structure and grammar, greatly appreciated.
Please tell us how you have spent the last two summers (or vacations between school years), including any jobs you have held, if not already detailed on the Common Application.
My vacation of 2007 was fruitful. I practiced figure skating, competed and received 3rd place. This sport is very popular in the UAE, where the summer can be hot as hell, and doing icy sport in a desert city is such a blessing. However, I was fond of it for different reason. Having a moment of silence in a world where verbal communication predominates is my way to relax. Figure skating is also one thing that carves me the person I am today. Through this sport, I learned how to be confident to prepare for whatever that will happen.
My 2008 vacation happened in China, where I had a very exciting trip. We started from GuangZhou, where I visited Sun Yat-sen University of Liberal Education. The school was built in 1924 by Dr. Sun Yat-Sen, father of modern China. I was very grateful that he created one of the key universities of our nation. After visiting GuangZhou, we stopped at WuYi Mountains, a famous holiday resort. The trip was fun, we rafted along the 9-straits river, climbed the Roaring Tiger Mountain, seen the thread-of-sky and so much more. However, they are not as exciting as seeing the Otters and Amoy Tiger on the day we left. Later, we stayed at our hometown for nearly a month after the tour of Beijing. As soon as we arrived, I can't wait to see the place where I grew up. The smell of fresh soil and the sound of bargaining in the market remind me of everything as I was passing by. I spent the month recalling the places, did labs and joined sketching. I studied hard from July to September for SAT in Beijing, and was rewarded with a good result. While living there, I figure skated in a rink next to the house; experienced teaching others at a language institute; continued sketching; visited TsingHua and Beijing University; saw the Olympics and cheered for my favorite team. I was even lucky enough to see Ms. Elaine Chao and Mr. Randt, U.S secretary of labor and ambassador. I had more fun in HongKong, where I developed the theory about the different places I have been to and how China has changed itself over the past 4 years. I was surprised that after living in 2 different countries, I was able to see things from different perspectives and learned so much more that I didn't know about. I was so different from whom I was before leaving China, and this trip really helped me to realize that.
Option 2: Using the statement below as a jumping off point, tell us about an event or experience that helped you define one of your values or changed you approached the world.
"Princeton in the nation's service" was title of a speech given by Woodrow Wilson on the 150th anniversary of the University. It became the unofficial Princeton motto and was expanded for the University's 250th anniversary to "Princeton in the nation's service and in the service of all nations" (476)
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Please tell us how you have spent the last two summers (or vacations between school years), including any jobs you have held, if not already detailed on the Common Application.
My vacation of 2007 was fruitful. I practiced figure skating, competed and received 3rd place. This sport is very popular in the UAE, where the summer can be hot as hell, and doing icy sport in a desert city is such a blessing. However, I was fond of it for different reason. Having a moment of silence in a world where verbal communication predominates is my way to relax. Figure skating is also one thing that carves me the person I am today. Through this sport, I learned how to be confident to prepare for whatever that will happen.
My 2008 vacation happened in China, where I had a very exciting trip. We started from GuangZhou, where I visited Sun Yat-sen University of Liberal Education. The school was built in 1924 by Dr. Sun Yat-Sen, father of modern China. I was very grateful that he created one of the key universities of our nation. After visiting GuangZhou, we stopped at WuYi Mountains, a famous holiday resort. The trip was fun, we rafted along the 9-straits river, climbed the Roaring Tiger Mountain, seen the thread-of-sky and so much more. However, they are not as exciting as seeing the Otters and Amoy Tiger on the day we left. Later, we stayed at our hometown for nearly a month after the tour of Beijing. As soon as we arrived, I can't wait to see the place where I grew up. The smell of fresh soil and the sound of bargaining in the market remind me of everything as I was passing by. I spent the month recalling the places, did labs and joined sketching. I studied hard from July to September for SAT in Beijing, and was rewarded with a good result. While living there, I figure skated in a rink next to the house; experienced teaching others at a language institute; continued sketching; visited TsingHua and Beijing University; saw the Olympics and cheered for my favorite team. I was even lucky enough to see Ms. Elaine Chao and Mr. Randt, U.S secretary of labor and ambassador. I had more fun in HongKong, where I developed the theory about the different places I have been to and how China has changed itself over the past 4 years. I was surprised that after living in 2 different countries, I was able to see things from different perspectives and learned so much more that I didn't know about. I was so different from whom I was before leaving China, and this trip really helped me to realize that.
Option 2: Using the statement below as a jumping off point, tell us about an event or experience that helped you define one of your values or changed you approached the world.
"Princeton in the nation's service" was title of a speech given by Woodrow Wilson on the 150th anniversary of the University. It became the unofficial Princeton motto and was expanded for the University's 250th anniversary to "Princeton in the nation's service and in the service of all nations" (476)
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