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Do we most value the things that are difficult to attain?



noureldin55 1 / -  
Jan 11, 2016   #1
I strongly agree with Thomas Paine idea." the harder the conflict , the more glorious the triumph." When you struggle harder for something , you value it more rather than it comes easily to you. For three reasons such as the history of literature and personal experience.

Most of the community around the world struggle to lead a life of privilege and prosperity. For example at university and high school I worked extremely hard to get good grades and that was my only aim. Further more I remembered how I was keeping the report card for the kinder garden, Middle , High school and University , in each labeled box , to remembered me how hard I worked for all these situations

made me to realize that we value things that are difficult to attain. Lastly I learned the value of hard work by working hard.

How I could improve these essay ?

Another example my parent taught me how to be independent, how to choose the right career , attitude , and how to think quickly. In the end I used the teaching method that has been given by my parents and I used it to my victory.

There are many great people in the world who had to attain what they aimed for . For example Steve Job who was an American businessman. He was best known as co-founder of Apple Mac. He created new technology such as I-Phones , Mac- laptops and Apple smart T.V. Even though more he grow up in a poor family. Lastly , he published a book before he died and this books name was the value of Steve Job Apple Mac. Steve Job is an example of a Pesa who struggled hard to attain his status as businessman.

To sum up struggling for something harder you will definitely value it more as can be seen.

vangiespen - / 4077  
Jan 13, 2016   #2
Nour, while you present a good thesis statement for the essay, you did not really provide an overview of the three reasons that you will be discussing in the essay. History of literature does not really mesh with the prompt but personal experience does. So you need to find 2 other correct reasons that will support your claims. While you are well within the 3 sentence minimum presentation for this thesis statement, the lack of solid reference as to the discussion topics weakened the introduction and body of the essay.

In your second paragraph, you talk about the community and how the members struggle to achieve a life of prosperity and privilege. That is a good reference to one of the reasons why people would value something difficult to tattain. However, your supporting discussion, related to how you saved your class cards because it reminded you of your struggle to get good grades doesn't really support the terms "prosperity" and "privilege". So the justification you used is in error.

The Steve Jobs example is acceptable. However, you spent more time discussing his accomplishment than you did his struggle to attain his status as a businessman. So mention only a few of his accomplishments, then explain his struggle to reach the top. That will show how hard it was to become the leader of Apple and why he valued the company and his accomplishments so much.

Now, we come to your conclusion. No conclusion can end with only a single sentence in an academic paper. So you need to develop your conclusion with a clear and proper idea as to how the reasons you discussed strongly supports the claims you made in your thesis.


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