I would really love it if you checked for content and grammer-related errors; I want your feedback to see if my essay as a concrete structure and message.
Prompt: Tell us more about you and why you are considering VCU.
I am considering VCU because of its prominent Pre-Medicine program. I live very close to VCU so I would have the ability to commute to and from the campus to my house. I aspire to go into the medical field because I have a goal to help treat patients with injuries. I am a very open-minded person so I am still exploring career options related in health care. To better understand certain career options and to serve my community, I have volunteered at the pharmacy and the Emergency Department at Retreat Hospital and the pharmacy at Henrico Doctor's Parham Campus. Being accepted at VCU would allow me to remain my current location and therefore allow me to continue giving my service to the two hospitals.
When people think of me, they only have adulatory responses. I have never received a negative comment at any of the two hospitals I volunteer at and I have never caused any trouble in school. My friends describe me as outgoing while my family describes me as sociable. I maintain excellent grades in school and take International Baccalaureate (I.B.) courses at school, which are the most rigorous in the county. I also have a special desire to speak fluently in multiple languages. I currently can speak five different languages: English, French, Gujarati, Hindi, and Urdu. If it is possible, I would like to continue taking French at a university or I would take another language to increase my knowledge of different cultures. During my spare time, I like to read about different cultures and their beliefs because I would like to travel to multiple countries in my future. I also like to read novels, my two favorites have been T.A. Barron's The Lost Years of Merlin series and Charles Dickens' A Tale of Two Cities. I love The Lost Years of Merlin series because it tells the story of King Arthur and Merlin from a fantasy perspective. My interest in Dickens' novella sparked when we read it in class. I really like the contradicting style used by Charles Dickens to portray the beginning of the French Revolution while being a philosophical allegory that states that violence is never the answer to any issue.
After taking Life Science, in 7th grade, I knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life in the medical field, and since then I have taken four years of science in high school. My favorite science course has been I.B. Chemistry Standard Level (SL). I believe it has prepared me the most for Pre-Medicine because there was a unit entitled, "Biochemistry." It has helped me learn about certain functions of the human body from chemistry's perspective. Soon after, I learned that VCU has a very good Pre-Medicine program and I wish to be part of it.
Good evening :)
Please see my comments on your other essays in regards to many mechanical errors. In this essay, make sure you are capitalizing only proper nouns and the first words of sentences. For instance, "Pre-Medicine" shouldn't be capitalized. If the word is not a proper noun nor the first word of a sentence, it shouldn't be capitalized.
In regards to content, I'm not really sure how it answers the prompt. You were asked to explain why you were considering this institution, and answered by discussing at length your literary favorites. I am not sure how this answers the question. Also, there is too much history in this piece; in all, it just isn't a very appropriate answer to the prompt.
Regards,
Gloria
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