Vission of Success; Feed back on Common APP

Ok So I already completed my common app essay but can everyone let me know if this was a good essay and what are my chances to get in to like Drexel University?

Ever since I was young, my parents had always dreamed that I would be able to live a
sustainable life that they came in search for in America. At an age ready to take in all the
prospects that life has to offer, I wish to carry out the vision of success that many Latinos and
Hispanics never have the opportunity to achieve. The knowledge and experience I have gathered
about my heritage and the other existing cultures that have been a part of my life will be put to
good use at the University. I am confident that the University's diverse community will allow me
to learn more about myself and help me widen my areas of expertise that will polish me to live a
satisfying life that I have the potential to live.
Being Guatemalan, I grew up in an apartment complex in New Jersey surrounded by
neighbors with similar attributes or sometimes completely different backgrounds. Throughout
my childhood I felt inferior to many of my friends who were White Catholic, Indian and Asian as
many of their parents had groomed their children for their future success. I became more
accustomed to the culture belonging to my friends since I used to drive myself away from my
own heritage because of the sense of superiority that the majority of the folks in town had. As
time went on, I came to terms with my Spanish background and gladly exposed myself to my
heritage. I grew accustomed to the face of my culture by performing traditional Guatemalan
activities with my family on special occasions and indulging in exquisite Mayan cuisines. I
became better acquainted with people from my culture and have worked to become fluent in the
dialect. My first and current occupation at a pizza place has many Hispanics working there which
has given me many chances to expose myself to a multitude of my people. I have grown to love
the country my parents were from and have never felt prouder to have Guatemalan blood than I
do now. The current knowledge I possess about the different cultures in my town and the
relationships I gained with different kinds of people will surely help me find my place in the
community at University.
I am keen and motivated to get to know different individuals and learn about their own
culture and lifestyle as I continue down the path of life.
For certain, the University I end up going to will definitely allow me the opportunity to
show off my ethnicity proudly and attain the sense of accomplishment that few Latinos are able
to reach.

I think your essay is good~~~You have talked about how you acculturate to a mixed-cultural environment and still find your own identity. I

Don't worry and good luck with your application!

"At an age ready to take in all the
prospects that life has to offer, I wish to carry out the vision of success that many Latinos and
Hispanics never have the opportunity to achieve."
I think here you should try to explain what that vision is exactly.

I think you should give some examples of your family traditions, or you can describe one of those to strengthen your essay. The reader will be able to make better connections if you include an anecdote.

Little formulaic in terms of explaining your background but there's not much you can do about that. A personal anecdote would have been nice. There are a few grammar and sentence fluency errors. Well, not so much errors, but you could made a few sentences sound a little better. Like, "I am confident that the University's diverse community will allow me to learn more about myself and help me widen my areas of expertise that will polish me to live a satisfying life that I have the potential to live.

It drags on a bit, and you repeat "to live" unnessarily.

But overall, it's a fine essay that defines your background and makes the most of it. You'll get into Drexel just fine. :)

Thanks everone for the feedback and hopefully I hear from Drexel soon :)