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Visual Basic - Notre Dame supplement (difference)



Kobe24 5 / 9  
Dec 30, 2008   #1
Any suggestion on content and grammar is welcome and thanks in advance.

Prompt: The Rev. John I. Jenkins, C.S.C., President of the University of Notre Dame, said in his Inaugural Address that, "If we are afraid to be different from the world, how can we make a difference in the world?" In what way do you feel you are different from your peers, and how will this shape your contribution to the Notre Dame community?

There are many ways I feel different from my peers; however, among them the most important, I believe, is that I am more curious and imaginative.

When I was in Grade 10th, my friends and I discovered that there is a big defect in the calculator as an accessory in the computer. For instance, when I typed in the square root of -1, it displayed "error". Therefore, I wanted to make a computer program so that the calculator can display complex numbers. When being told this "story", my friends immediately laughed at me because they thought my idea was very naïve and unable to come true. Hence, instead of cooperation, I had to do the whole project independently.

After searching for the information about the calculator on the Internet, I got to know its working principle and thus decided to use Visual Basic to make the program. Firstly, I created a control array, which is used for the numbers. Secondly, I add the operators to the program and a simple calculator is completed. Consequently, I need to consider the two different conditions as the square root is involved. On one hand, when the number typed in is greater than or equal to zero, then I can simply make the calculator calculate the square root of that number. On the other hand, when the number typed in is smaller than zero, the imaginary number "i" is necessary to be involved; therefore, I will make the calculator calculate the square root of the absolute value of that number and multiply the result by "i"; then the exact result will be displayed on the screen as a complex number rather than "error".

Because of the experiences I had, I believe that I will be a student of great curiosity and imagination at University of Notre Dame, and University of Notre Dame will definitely be the place where I can bring my skills into full play.

EF_Sean 6 / 3460  
Dec 31, 2008   #2
Not bad. You have a very specific experience that you focus on, which is good. The experience highlights several of your positive personality traits, which is better. Your style, on the other hand, is a bit rough. Most obviously, you rely heavily on weak verbs, such as forms of "to be" ("Was," "is," etc.) as well as forms of "to have," "to make," and "to get." Go through and revise this draft to eliminate as many instances of these weak verbs as you can, replacing them where possible with stronger alternatives.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Dec 31, 2008   #3
There are many ways in which I differ from my peers; however, among them the most important, I believe, is that I am more curious and imaginative.

When I was in the 10th grade, my friends and I ...

I guess i think you should say "first," and "second," rather than "firstly" and "secondly."

Also, it will be good if you can sum it up with a meaningful concluding sentence or paragraph...


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