Hey guys, this is the first draft of my college admissions essay to the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. Suggestions and comments would be greatly appreciated!
Essay Prompt: In an essay of 300 words or less, choose one extracurricular activity, work experience or community service project from the list you provided on the application and explain why you initially chose it, why you continued with it, and how you benefited from it.
It didn't appear clear to me that waking up at 5:30 on a cold, foggy September morning would be reasonable by any means for a sport that did not begin until early March. Yet, my crazy mind told my body to get out of bed in the still darkness three times a week for six straight months.
Volleyball, a physically and mentally rigorous sport, tests an athlete's patience and perseverance yet comes with great reward once success is achieved. This difficult sport became my passion when I was in junior high, and it still holds my commitment after five years. Despite the strenuous mornings and the tenacious output required for these pre-season A.M. conditionings, it helped our team develop into one of the stronger teams in the state and it continually strengthened my mental persistence.
The sport of volleyball can be played in two extremes - one setting can be with your closest friends where everyone enjoys their time and neither a win nor loss could ever hinder the joy of playing; the other setting can be during a school tournament championship game when the season and school pride are in jeopardy. Whether I play volleyball as a hobby or as a competitive drive, the benefit of having an activity to experience helps me persevere mentally, stay ambitious towards goals that I commit to, and budget my time with my rigorous academic schedule. When committed to an extracurricular activity, the balance between that and academics requires rigorous diligence and a sterling work ethic.
In the big picture, I view volleyball as the catalyst for my endeavor for excellence. I chose it initially as a mere hobby, I continued to do it because I found joy in it, but the benefits I took from it developed my person and gave me an appreciation towards the sport.
Essay Prompt: In an essay of 300 words or less, choose one extracurricular activity, work experience or community service project from the list you provided on the application and explain why you initially chose it, why you continued with it, and how you benefited from it.
It didn't appear clear to me that waking up at 5:30 on a cold, foggy September morning would be reasonable by any means for a sport that did not begin until early March. Yet, my crazy mind told my body to get out of bed in the still darkness three times a week for six straight months.
Volleyball, a physically and mentally rigorous sport, tests an athlete's patience and perseverance yet comes with great reward once success is achieved. This difficult sport became my passion when I was in junior high, and it still holds my commitment after five years. Despite the strenuous mornings and the tenacious output required for these pre-season A.M. conditionings, it helped our team develop into one of the stronger teams in the state and it continually strengthened my mental persistence.
The sport of volleyball can be played in two extremes - one setting can be with your closest friends where everyone enjoys their time and neither a win nor loss could ever hinder the joy of playing; the other setting can be during a school tournament championship game when the season and school pride are in jeopardy. Whether I play volleyball as a hobby or as a competitive drive, the benefit of having an activity to experience helps me persevere mentally, stay ambitious towards goals that I commit to, and budget my time with my rigorous academic schedule. When committed to an extracurricular activity, the balance between that and academics requires rigorous diligence and a sterling work ethic.
In the big picture, I view volleyball as the catalyst for my endeavor for excellence. I chose it initially as a mere hobby, I continued to do it because I found joy in it, but the benefits I took from it developed my person and gave me an appreciation towards the sport.