Hi guys! I'm writing this essay for QuestBridge. It's supposed to be 500 words max. But it's 514.
Could you please take some of your time and edit it? I'd appreciate any feedback and please be brutal! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!
Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you. (500 word limit)
She gently pulled down my fingers, one by one. Her hands were as soft and fragile as a newly blossomed rose petal. My heart warmed as she would bend one of my fingers and turn her head to me and smile with approval. When she was done, she enthusiastically turned around to the class and joyously exclaimed, "Seven minus five is two!!"
Her uncontrollable excitement for understanding had matched mine for teaching. This is because, in my belief, children's misconception is the result of confusing or insufficient explanation. In order to ensure that a concept sinks in, I've learned that alternative explanations are more valuable than meaningless repetition and that the facial expressions I make, the tone I use and the eye contact I provide are just as important as the lessons I teach, the words I use and the examples I give.
These were the types of experiences I encountered as a library assistant. Each incident taught me an assortment of new lessons, from learning patience and compassion for children to understanding the value of receiving as well as of giving. Every Tuesday, however, would teach me something unique because it was the only day in the week with story time. As a result, kids would tug their parents along to see me enact their favorite stories. Accordingly, I would always rehearse in front of a mirror for hours in a desperate attempt to perfect the lines of the story I was going to perform. Watching the children's' and their parents' euphoric smiles at the end of the story instilled into me the value of connecting with my community.
In addition to providing for children, I also trained new volunteers. I bequeathed the vast knowledge I had accumulated as a library assistant to them, from why a library uses the Dewey decimal system to how to shelve books properly. Thus, through our combined efforts, we were able to shelve and organized the notorious waiting room-which, initially, had consisted of desks stacked high with books and brochures, seven carts overflowing with books that were still waiting to be checked into the system, and another five patiently waiting to be shelved. When we finished this arduous task, the kind-hearted librarian thanked and hugged each of us individually. This memorable event will always be part of me and its impact will be everlasting because it showed me that one person can make an immense difference in his/her community.
As a result, giving back to my community has helped me become the person I am today. These experiences have helped me see who I am and what I value: perseverance, being involved, and helping others achieve their goals. They have greatly inspired me to set an example to all of humanity-that if one person can accomplish such a feat, imagine the possibilities that can arise if we all rise up from our couches and comfortable homes and give back to the world that has given us so much. We can make a difference in the world, and become a significant force towards a positive future.
Could you please take some of your time and edit it? I'd appreciate any feedback and please be brutal! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!
Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you. (500 word limit)
She gently pulled down my fingers, one by one. Her hands were as soft and fragile as a newly blossomed rose petal. My heart warmed as she would bend one of my fingers and turn her head to me and smile with approval. When she was done, she enthusiastically turned around to the class and joyously exclaimed, "Seven minus five is two!!"
Her uncontrollable excitement for understanding had matched mine for teaching. This is because, in my belief, children's misconception is the result of confusing or insufficient explanation. In order to ensure that a concept sinks in, I've learned that alternative explanations are more valuable than meaningless repetition and that the facial expressions I make, the tone I use and the eye contact I provide are just as important as the lessons I teach, the words I use and the examples I give.
These were the types of experiences I encountered as a library assistant. Each incident taught me an assortment of new lessons, from learning patience and compassion for children to understanding the value of receiving as well as of giving. Every Tuesday, however, would teach me something unique because it was the only day in the week with story time. As a result, kids would tug their parents along to see me enact their favorite stories. Accordingly, I would always rehearse in front of a mirror for hours in a desperate attempt to perfect the lines of the story I was going to perform. Watching the children's' and their parents' euphoric smiles at the end of the story instilled into me the value of connecting with my community.
In addition to providing for children, I also trained new volunteers. I bequeathed the vast knowledge I had accumulated as a library assistant to them, from why a library uses the Dewey decimal system to how to shelve books properly. Thus, through our combined efforts, we were able to shelve and organized the notorious waiting room-which, initially, had consisted of desks stacked high with books and brochures, seven carts overflowing with books that were still waiting to be checked into the system, and another five patiently waiting to be shelved. When we finished this arduous task, the kind-hearted librarian thanked and hugged each of us individually. This memorable event will always be part of me and its impact will be everlasting because it showed me that one person can make an immense difference in his/her community.
As a result, giving back to my community has helped me become the person I am today. These experiences have helped me see who I am and what I value: perseverance, being involved, and helping others achieve their goals. They have greatly inspired me to set an example to all of humanity-that if one person can accomplish such a feat, imagine the possibilities that can arise if we all rise up from our couches and comfortable homes and give back to the world that has given us so much. We can make a difference in the world, and become a significant force towards a positive future.
