I cannot wait to proudly call myself a member of the Ram family. VCU Admission Essay

the prompt is
As you start your college career, what is your primary goal as a student and how have you prepared to meet this goal, how do you plan to succeed, how do you feel you will do at VCU?

Ever since I was little, Nursing has always been my dream career. My childhood experiences in hospital care and passion for helping others have aspired me to open a clinic in my future. As I start my college career I strive to use VCU diverse community to develop abiding intimate and networking relationships to aid that goal. Along with that I plan to use Pre-Nursing, Nursing, and Business programs to lay the foundation. I have taken Accounting and Economics classes and shadowed several LPN's and RN's at Sunrise Senior Living and INOVA hospital. I hope these experiences have given me a jump-start to meet my goals. In addition, my careful time management and organization will keep me on the road to success. The plethora of clubs and organizations including the Medical Training Society and Alpha Kappa Lambda fraternity have sparked my interest in broadening my network. Over the last several years I discovered a love for graphic design and I look forward to digging deeper into graphic design with the (drum-roll) nation leading Art programs that VCU provides. The urban setting and proximity to Richmond give me the right-at-home vibes of my home-town Alexandria, Virginia. As an avid sports fanatic the basketball culture is another add on to the features I am salivating over. My excitement and anticipation grows with each day that passes and I cannot wait to proudly call myself a member of the Ram family.

All feedback is greatly appreciated

Kobina, I have some notes for you to consider regarding your essay. These are important so please take note of them :-)


- You cannot say that your childhood experiences are what inspired you to enter into nursing. A child will not have any medical experiences. You need to change this sentence to show that this dream developed as you matured over time. Also, you were not aspired, but inspired by these experiences to open a clinic in the future. Aspire means to ambition to achieve, inspire means to have a reason to do something good.


- I will strive to use the diverse VCU community to develop intimate relationships and a network that will help me achieve my goal through the solid foundation of the Nursing and Business programs offered by the university.


- Having taken accounting and economic classes in the past, along with my shadowing of several LPN and RN's at the Sunrise Senior Living at Inova Hospital, I know that I have taken the proper steps to jump start my career goals.


- My careful time management and organizational skills will help me stay on the road...


- Don't confuse the issue about your majors. Stick to Nursing and Business since those two can somehow relate. Drop the graphic design reference as that is irrelevant to your original career choices.

These are the comments I have so far. These may change or be added to depending upon the kind of revision you make :-)