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uc essay prompt 1 - "Don't wait for your ship to come, swim out to it."



doraface 2 / 1  
Nov 29, 2008   #1
essay prompt: Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations. *

The proverb, " Don't wait for your ship to come, swim out to it.", perfectly describes how my father chased after his dreams , and is a proverb which I live by. His journey in life has taught me many lessons about life and has shaped and inspired my dreams and aspirations for my future. Imagine coming to the United States alone, with no understanding of the English language, culture, and lifestyle. That was exactly how my father's journey here in America started. He came just years after graduating high school in Japan with no college education, and with full opposition from his family members. To fulfill his dreams of becoming an aircraft mechanic, he took the college courses needed to fulfill the requirements and also took extra English classes during the weekends. In the past, in order to provided for everyone in my family, which included myself, my 3 older sisters and my mother, he worked overtime and on the weekends for many years, and was not able to spend much time with my family. After many years, my family and I are now financially stable while living in the affluent city of Huntington Beach. Although we are in no means considered rich, we don't live in poverty and have more than enough to provide for us the basic necessities. My dream in the future is to live in a similar community and area like Orange County where I have been raised since birth. From my father's experiences I know that to be able to live in an area similar to Orange County, I need to work hard, get a good education, and have a career which I would love. Like my father, I will go after my dreams and not wait for them to come to me. This area has provided me a great education, and a safe environment to live in, that in the future, like my father, I would like to start a family here . For me, my father has been the perfect example of what it takes to be successful: hard work, dedication, and a strong will to succeed. He has raised me to go after my dreams, and has never been doubtful or has tried to steer me away from my future goals, no matter how outrageous or hard they may had seem. He has always believed in my abilities to succeed, and has made me into a person I am today. His influence in my life has made me dream further and has broadened my horizons and possibilities for my future.

can you also help me make the last sentence of my essay sound better?it sounds a bit odd to me. thank you!

EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Nov 30, 2008   #2
Great story and reflection. I think you should separate it into a few paragraphs for clarity:

The proverb, "Don't wait for your ship to come; swim out to it," perfectly describes how my father chased after his dreams, and it is a proverb that I live by. His journey in life has taught me many lessons about life and has shaped and inspired my dreams and aspirations for my future. (Start a new paragraph here)

Imagine coming to the United States alone, with no understanding of the English language, culture, or lifestyle.

Good luck!!

Kevin


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