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"Don't wait until someone says you are great" ; The Best Advice



HenryAmber 2 / 3  
Feb 8, 2013   #1
What is the best advice you ever received? Why? And did you follow it?

"What better advice to follow, then your own," Jasmine, one of my closest friends, said to me. "If you think you'll be an amazing author, singer, dancer, or even journalist, do not wait for someone to tell you 'you are great', show them exactly how remarkable you are." Her words by far complete the most motivational phrase I have ever heard in my life, and therefore are the most significant advice I have ever received in my life.

I remember exactly what brought on her words of encouragement. We were sitting in Ms. Green's eleventh grade English class awaiting her arrival, since she was always late, and Jasmine was flipping through my portfolio. One million ideas flowed through my mind periodically, but I had placed them on hold while trying to limit my focus to the eight projects before me. "They are not that good," I said before she had the chance to read any of the stories in my portfolio. "I mean I like them, but I am not sure how the rest of the world will feel." She paused for a moment, looking down at the text I had written, before speaking, and the words she spoke in that moment will follow me for the rest of my life.

Her words, though casual, still echo through my mind in times of self-doubt. They push me to do things I normally would not attempt. They allow me to embrace myself and compete among others. They instill faith in me, and essentially, they remind me that I am the most vital factor in the development of my future. Jasmine may not have realized it in that moment, but her inspiring expression has enabled me to compete endlessly for scholarships despite the constant denial, apply for a school I never thought I would get into, and although I have not completed the novel she was gazing upon at the time of her locution, I am only a few short steps away from an astronomical triumph.

Conclusively, I have received something that shall never fade. As years go by and we grow old, I will never forget her axiom and the impact it had on my impressionable mind, on my future. Jasmine has proven to be a valuable asset to my progression as a person. I will continue to follow her words of wisdom, and I will continue to hold conviction of my unlimited prospects.

dumi 1 / 6793  
Feb 9, 2013   #2
"What better advice to follow,then your own,"

Well... I find this does not flow well.... specially the highlighted part :(
I feel you better re-phrase it to give its specific message and idea. Or you can avoid it completely and start with the second line... Yep, I think that sounds good sense;

"If you think you'll be an amazing author, singer, dancer, or even journalist, do not wait for someone to tell you 'you are great', show them exactly how remarkable you are."

.... My suggestion;
"If you think you are good at something, just don't wait for someone to tell you "you are great"; Show them how remarkable you are at it", said Jasmine, one of my closest friends.

then you can continue with the next line;

Her words by far completehave provided me with the most motivational phrase I have ever heard in my life, and therefore areI consider her advice being the most significant advice I have ever received in my life.
rlyin0171 1 / 4  
Feb 10, 2013   #3
I like your language. However, I didn't see the connections between the main idea of the essay and Ms. Green's English class.
AndreiLyskov 2 / 5  
Feb 12, 2013   #4
You should give some examples of how exactly you followed her advice. (E.g. people thought you were bad at a sport, until you played and showed them). Examples always help to augment essays, and this one especially asks you if you followed it.


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