"Wanting to transfer because of location" ESSAY statement

Please provide a statement that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve. You can type directly into the box, or you can paste text from another source. (250-650 words)

State College

"Where are you from?"

The inevitable question being tossed around at NSO finally made its way to my ears.

I smiled back and replied, "State College."

Their faces lit up when they found out that I was a local. I had expected this reaction. However, I didn't expect a shift in my tone as the words traveled out of my mouth. Suddenly, I felt obliged to seem excited. Sure, I was excited for college to start and meet new people but I wasn't feeling the same level of excitement as others were feeling. When I saw their eyes spark up at the new scene, I realized that I lacked something. I lacked the excitement of starting a real college experience at a different environment. I wanted to breathe in an unfamiliar air and spread my wings.

Growing up in State College, I was already familiar with the student life and culture at Penn State. Its strong presence made me feel connected to the notable academics and social scene. Going to college near home would feel like sitting in a comfortable couch. Familiar places and sites would make my college experience less intimidating. It wasn't until the start of fall semester when I knew I had to venture out to a different place. I would come across motivated students, who came from many backgrounds, who were being fearless and stepping out of their comfort zones. I felt empty and left out. At this moment, I decided that I wanted to pursue my academic interests away from home.

I made a lot of memorable experiences here at Penn State. I got actively involved in the community by joining clubs and volunteering. I learned the importance of relationships. I've made some good friends. I certainly wouldn't be who I am right now without them

Now, I want to expand my horizons by experiencing a different environment. I want to thrive as an individual outside of my comfort zone. I've cultivated a lot of new interests here at Penn State and want to explore different areas, meet amazing people, and have the support when I need it. I want to be surrounded by students who are intellectually driven so that we can all support each other's growth. I don't want to feel like I missed out on something. Through my experiences at Penn State, I learned that college is all about exploring your personal and intellectual interests. Even if that takes a sacrifice to move out. For me, transferring is not only just a transition from school to another school but a chance to rediscover myself. I'll always take full advantage of the opportunities given to me. Hopefully, the next time I say where I'm from, I'll say it with conviction at a place where I truly belong.

*Thank you for reading! This is my first draft. I would greatly appreciate any feedbacks. Please don't hesitate to be harsh ;)

Hi Bontonsoup1,

I think that generally you provide a good context for your reasons for wanting to leave Penn State (primarily wanting to be in a new environment).

Some specific comments:
"Even if that takes a sacrifice to move out." Grammatically, this is a sentence fragment.

It is a bit confusing to read that you "felt empty and left out", but then in the next paragraph, you describe the memorable (and implied positive) experiences at Penn State.

I wish you all the best in landing at a school that is the best fit for you!

David, your first paragraph doesn't do anything remarkable for the content of your essay. It does not help to establish any qualifying ideas that would make your desire to transfer to Penn State more compelling, imperative, or life changing. The second paragraph though, is a different matter. The way that you combine the idea behind your State College experience with the time you spent at Penn State creates the necessary involvement that backs the rest of your narrative. The paragraph about your experiences at Penn State is too short though. It could use a little more explanation in terms of the objectives that you created for yourself, which you hope to accomplish during your time at the college. Don't forget to give a simple explanation as to how and when you came to experience life at Penn State. That will help to clarify the 'why" question about your decision to transfer.

@Holt
It seems like you are confused... I'm trying to transfer out of Penn State. State College is the name of the city where Penn State is located.

My apologies for the confusion. The essay was all about Penn State so I took that to mean that you were planning to move to Penn instead of the state college. It would help clarify things if you refer to the college or university that you are transferring to within the essay. At least at the start. That would have helped avoid the confusion that it created for me and could possibly, create for other readers as well.

When reviewing an essay like this, the reviewer doesn't want to hear all about the reasons why your time at Penn State was good and memorable. He wants to know the reasons why you want to move out. So you want to spread your wings. That is a personal reason. What about the academic reason? What makes you think you will do better at the new learning institution than at Penn? Don't focus solely on your personal reasons for transferring offer a balance between personal, social, and academic. You already have 2 out of 3 represented.

@Holt
Thank you so much for your feedback!