Unanswered [1]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width   Posts: 5


"weaknesses have turned out my strong points" - The world I come from MIT Essay



molecule 2 / 9  
Dec 24, 2009   #1
Describe the world you come from; for example, your family, clubs, school, community, city, or town. How has that world shaped your dreams and aspirations? (*) (200-250 words)

It won't be wrong to say that my world is quite different from most of the candidates applying to MIT. My world can be justifiably described as a hike up an endless mountain in which each step has brought something new to me. I have fallen and risen again many times but never let myself fall down. I do not know where I will end for the experiences to come are never-ending. Though to reach the top is never possible because of humanistic characteristics, I am sure I will end up in a respectable way.

I was born and raised in a small town of this beautiful city lying down the Margalla Hills. Both my parents were really hard-working and used to low economic living. My father had an inadequate salary but despite his financial fragility, he brought us up with not only a healthy education but also healthy minds. My father, a healthy young man would go straight up the hills every morning; it was this regular routine that I adopted later.

"What are the really significant features that influence our personality?" I asked my father. The answer was sensible. "Family characteristics (I know he meant genetics), upbringing and most importantly the environment and the experiences." It is obviously true that man's dreams and aspirations are greatly influenced by the environment he lives in and the experiences that he encounters in this journey. After entering the high school, I was blessed with a financial scholarship at Pak-Turk International School and College, and this amazing era of wonderful memories, and competitive environment has been so exciting for me. It is four years adventure of friendship, classes, crazy talks after the lectures and of course great love for the teachers. The students there on aid were selected from different cities and villages, but it was not the end. It was the beginning not only of bright academics but also maintaining the aid for the school has reasonable authority to cancel the aid on low percentage. None of my parents and grandparents has a strong educational background, and do not occupy good government posts; that's why I had decided much earlier to struggle hard to make a difference for myself and my family.

No doubt the major change of my life started in high school. I was greatly inspired by the new teachers and of course my Mathematics teacher Sir Serdal Arslan. He has taught for five years in Russia as well and with him I was able to learn things beyond the scope of regular course books. While inside-college was such a nice experience, we also remained close to each other outside college. Realizing my inner love for physics which I myself had not explored in the first year, my physics professor allowed me to work in the lab during free periods. The new school had a lot of laboratory equipment and versatile student body. I was sure to add practicality to my personality. I had been good at theoretical part of my science subjects and always longed for carrying out the course experiments for we did not have a good lab in the previous school. My dream came true.

While the fierce competition is just one experience, the role of my friends and family is great. After my father, the really influential personality for me was my brother. My brother had been good at school too but he is the type of person I would call multi-dimensional. I was mono-dimensional till my elementary school; it was his consistent taunting and provocation that I stepped into debates, essays, and other activities. High school friends are a source of learning for me. God has given everybody a talent and that's why I like working in a team. I have friends who do great in chemistry and especially literature and poetry. I gain a lot of knowledge from them.

My family's presumed-to-be weaknesses have turned out my strong points and I feel great satisfaction with whatever I have.

I really need help about the essay....the word limit is 200-250. i love to write more and more but just want to check how I am doing. please give suggestions and advice...

Llamapoop123 7 / 433  
Dec 24, 2009   #2
^Straight up bad introduction. The first sentence is unnecessary. The second sentence is cliche. The third sentence is both cliche and unnecessary. You need to begin with something more interesting.

throughout your essay all you do is describe in a quite consistantly boring tone.

He hashad taught for five years in Russia as well and with him I was able to learn things beyond the scope of regular course books.
politik 6 / 30  
Dec 24, 2009   #3
Hey...you are doing great...I suggest you end with something about your dreams and aspirations and how all the above factors have influenced you
Wrestlingnba 3 / 4  
Dec 24, 2009   #4
this sounds like the UC essay prompt 1. Anyways I think you should either focous on family, or school not both. Cut out the cliches, and get staright to the point. Many studnets believe they can better their essays with cliches, but they are just adding uneccessary fluff. Hope this helps
OP molecule 2 / 9  
Dec 25, 2009   #5
thank you all of you....i think whatever i have mentioned about my family is quite appropriate to the essay.

more feed backs can correct me if i am wrong!!!


Home / Undergraduate / "weaknesses have turned out my strong points" - The world I come from MIT Essay
ⓘ Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms for professional help:

Best Writing Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳