I'm in real need of helpand the deadline is pretty close. I'm open to any suggestions to improve my essay.
Prompt: Tell us something about yourself or your interests that we wouldn't learn by looking at the rest of your application materials. (While you should still pay attention to sentence structure and grammar, your response is meant as a way for us to get to know you, rather than a formal essay.)
I always wear a purple hat. Not because I want to look like a clown, but rather so I can stand out and not be taken too seriously. This is necessary as I am an introvert, and few of my classmates have seen me talk. My hat is purple and shiny, with blue stripes running along the sides. Not because I have no taste, but because they bring out my personality.
This year I was among the ten students nominated for student leader. Problem is it requires speaking in public, I'm far from this and only someone with a pink hat can do this. Although scared, I accepted the challenge, with the thoughts that someday my purple hat will become pink and glow in midst of millions.
I remember the first day I had to give announcements in front of the entire school, I felt my purple hat changing pink, I felt a strip of confidence in my guts, and my light came shining through. Slowly and steadily, I've been building up my confidence and my purple hat now shines bright with the pink stripes.
I've being doing exceptionally well as a senior prefect and I've even joined other activities to explore my inner being. I have many hobbies, and some of them even interest me. I have being singing, travelling widely, both in and outside of the country.
I still wear my purple hat except I now polish it, still an introvert but an introvert with value. Now, I'm only shy at the right time and loud at the right time fixed upon doing nothing but the best, and my inward personality has never ceased.
Its a bit above limit, can you please edit the irrelvant things, do you also think my personality shines through. Does it answer the prompt? Thanks for your help.
Prompt: Tell us something about yourself or your interests that we wouldn't learn by looking at the rest of your application materials. (While you should still pay attention to sentence structure and grammar, your response is meant as a way for us to get to know you, rather than a formal essay.)
I always wear a purple hat. Not because I want to look like a clown, but rather so I can stand out and not be taken too seriously. This is necessary as I am an introvert, and few of my classmates have seen me talk. My hat is purple and shiny, with blue stripes running along the sides. Not because I have no taste, but because they bring out my personality.
This year I was among the ten students nominated for student leader. Problem is it requires speaking in public, I'm far from this and only someone with a pink hat can do this. Although scared, I accepted the challenge, with the thoughts that someday my purple hat will become pink and glow in midst of millions.
I remember the first day I had to give announcements in front of the entire school, I felt my purple hat changing pink, I felt a strip of confidence in my guts, and my light came shining through. Slowly and steadily, I've been building up my confidence and my purple hat now shines bright with the pink stripes.
I've being doing exceptionally well as a senior prefect and I've even joined other activities to explore my inner being. I have many hobbies, and some of them even interest me. I have being singing, travelling widely, both in and outside of the country.
I still wear my purple hat except I now polish it, still an introvert but an introvert with value. Now, I'm only shy at the right time and loud at the right time fixed upon doing nothing but the best, and my inward personality has never ceased.
Its a bit above limit, can you please edit the irrelvant things, do you also think my personality shines through. Does it answer the prompt? Thanks for your help.