I just finished my personal essay for U of T! Thank you guys for looking it over and I really appreciate your help. :D
What has inspired you to pursue an engineering degree and why would you like to study at the University of Toronto? What skills have you developed through your extra-curricular experiences that will support your future success as both a student and an engineer?
I fell in love with Legos as soon as I saw them in a local toy shop when I was three. I could always build better Lego cities than other kids in kindergarten. Since then, I became interested in learning how things are built and how to improve their functions. I have realized that although it takes years of hard work to become an engineer, I am dedicated to pursue an engineering degree due to my appreciation of the elegance and complexity in natural sciences. Moreover, as an engineer, I will get many valuable opportunities to design devices and develop new technology that could make our life better. Therefore, I wish to pursue an engineering degree to further explore this dynamic field.
The best place to pursue an engineering degree is definitely the University of Toronto. It is the best comprehensive university in Canada, according to the 2010-2011 Times Higher Education World University Rankings. I would like to study at the U of T because of its international reputation and academic resources. The university is famous for being a pioneer in education and academic research. For example, ten Nobel Laureates were based at the University of Toronto at significant points in their careers. In addition, the Professional Experience Year internship provides students opportunities to learn real life experiences and develop skills such as interview and resume preparation. With the help of the university's resources, U of T graduates are leaders in companies across the world, including Rogers Communication's CEO, Ted Rogers and co-CEO of Research in Motion, Jim Balsillie. In short, the University of Toronto is the best place to achieve my academic goals.
Along with my pursuit of a higher level of education, I also participated in many extracurricular activities, through which I have developed many essential transferable skills. My interpersonal and communication skills are enhanced through being a math tutor for five months. I answered my tutee's questions and provided constructive comments and feedback to her. Moreover, my time management skill has been improved through musical activities. I have been a member of three choir ensembles for two years at school. I also played a leading role in my high school's production of Grease. I learned to manage my time wisely to balance between study and 30 hours of rehearsals per week. In addition, I have made a huge progress in my ability to work independently and in a team. I served in the International Olympiad of Informatics as a guide for team Mongolia. I acted as the main point of contact for the team and organized many activities with other volunteers. Therefore, I have gained valuable experience and developed many important skills by getting involved in these activities.
To conclude, I am dedicated and well-prepared to pursue an engineering degree from the U of T. It will be a great honor to be a U of T alumnus, and I will try my best to make the most out of this invaluable opportunity.
Once again, thank you!
Hi,
Just a suggestion,
I fell in love with Legos as soon as I sawset my eyes on them in a local toy shop when I was three. I could always build better Lego cities than other kids in kindergarten. Since then, I became interested displayed my interest to learn in learning how things are built and how to improve their functionsality .
Good news and bad news (And they are the same news): legos are a cliched topic for you engineers. I bet if you search essayforum for the word legos you will find a bazillion essays. The thing is, loving legos as a kid does not really mean anything. I mean, it does mean something, but not as much as if you shared your current, grownup ideas based on the most recent innovations and your voracious reading. You can mention the childhood design endeavors later in the essay, but only briefly... and not at the beginning. Let the essay begin with an excellent sentence, a sentence that intrigues the reader about a particular CONCEPT related to your goals.
And look at what you did at the end of the first paragraph: Therefore, I wish to pursue an engineering degree to further explore this dynamic field. ----The sentence at the end of the first paragraph tells the reader the main idea of the essay. This sentence does that, but in a superficial way. You have the option to replace this with a sentence that says something profound or says something fascinating, or says something that inspired curiosity in the mind of the reader. Make it so that the main message of the essay is profound, really worth writing about and reading... a CONCEPT that is worth reflecting on, and it will serve as your theme.
The second paragraph is all info they already know.
Your theme can be based on something from that last paragraph, about your interests.
The most important thing is to tell them about your plan... show that you are excited about this.Excited people make detailed plans based on a special concept. :-)
