princetongirl /
Dec 23, 2008 #1
Hii..could you please check my essay to see if it sounds alright in terms or content and grammar?? Check the tenses if possible, coz i always mess those up...Also, cud u suggest synonyms for words that are in brackets?? and let me know how the essay is overall...Thnx!! :)
The University of Wisconsin values an educational environment that provides all members of the campus community with opportunities to grow and develop intellectually, personally, culturally and socially.
In order to give us a more complete picture of you as an individual, please tell us about the particular life experiences, perspectives, talents, commitments and/or interests you will bring to our campus. In other words, how will your presence enrich our community?
I strongly believe that knowledge is boundless. I developed this perception as young girl entering high school. I was a keen child interested in gaining knowledge of any kind. As I went further down the lane, I managed to carve particular interests I wanted to focus on. At school, the fields of business and accounting always drew my attention. As I hail from a business oriented family, these subjects ignite within me a passion and a sense of dedication like nothing else. Someday, I hope to run my own company through which I hope to make a difference in the world. However, my interest in the business world is tempered by an awareness of the world outside it.
I got a taste of the outside world when I joined the Duke of Edinburgh program in my freshman year. It is a program through which I sharpened my communication skills and played a part in serving the community. As a member, I participated in several activities, but it was the time I spent interacting with people I consider most valuable. In my sophomore year, my school organized a trip to Malaysia. The first destination on our itinerary was the Angels Children Home. It comprised of a two-story building which sheltered about twenty children. It is at that place where I met Ezra, the girl who instilled so much wisdom in me. Her life was filled with extreme transformations; yet, she constantly wore a smile and was thankful for every new day life handed her. It was at that time when I realized age is no boundary to learn or teach. Through her story, Ezra reminded me of the importance of living in the moment and not always in some ill-defined future. I came home to appreciate my parents, my friends and everything I ever took for granted. Ever since, I have been committed to visiting as many places and lend an ear to people who need it. Every person I met along the way shaped my perspectives and helped me mature.
Studying in University of Wisconsin, which has a culturally diverse environment, will enable me to understand different people and their ways of life. While learning, I will to contribute to the community by sharing knowledge about my life experiences. I hope to spread my passion and fervor for business as a subject and encourage people to eagerly pursue their field of interest. With my care for the community, I wish to make a positive impact on the people I meet. I hope to be the Ezra in every person's life.
The University of Wisconsin values an educational environment that provides all members of the campus community with opportunities to grow and develop intellectually, personally, culturally and socially.
In order to give us a more complete picture of you as an individual, please tell us about the particular life experiences, perspectives, talents, commitments and/or interests you will bring to our campus. In other words, how will your presence enrich our community?
I strongly believe that knowledge is boundless. I developed this perception as young girl entering high school. I was a keen child interested in gaining knowledge of any kind. As I went further down the lane, I managed to carve particular interests I wanted to focus on. At school, the fields of business and accounting always drew my attention. As I hail from a business oriented family, these subjects ignite within me a passion and a sense of dedication like nothing else. Someday, I hope to run my own company through which I hope to make a difference in the world. However, my interest in the business world is tempered by an awareness of the world outside it.
I got a taste of the outside world when I joined the Duke of Edinburgh program in my freshman year. It is a program through which I sharpened my communication skills and played a part in serving the community. As a member, I participated in several activities, but it was the time I spent interacting with people I consider most valuable. In my sophomore year, my school organized a trip to Malaysia. The first destination on our itinerary was the Angels Children Home. It comprised of a two-story building which sheltered about twenty children. It is at that place where I met Ezra, the girl who instilled so much wisdom in me. Her life was filled with extreme transformations; yet, she constantly wore a smile and was thankful for every new day life handed her. It was at that time when I realized age is no boundary to learn or teach. Through her story, Ezra reminded me of the importance of living in the moment and not always in some ill-defined future. I came home to appreciate my parents, my friends and everything I ever took for granted. Ever since, I have been committed to visiting as many places and lend an ear to people who need it. Every person I met along the way shaped my perspectives and helped me mature.
Studying in University of Wisconsin, which has a culturally diverse environment, will enable me to understand different people and their ways of life. While learning, I will to contribute to the community by sharing knowledge about my life experiences. I hope to spread my passion and fervor for business as a subject and encourage people to eagerly pursue their field of interest. With my care for the community, I wish to make a positive impact on the people I meet. I hope to be the Ezra in every person's life.