As I grew up, the situation seemed to become worsen.
^ the situation seemed to steadily worsen? not to become worsen.
earth is rested in our hand.
I have a dream to be great and responsible civil engineer.
^ i have a dream to be a
great and ....
...live without making our earth become sicker.
^ more sick.
I can have adequate resource
^ adequate resources*
I am a Chinese boy who was raised in a small village from Malaysia,
^one full sentence. The next sentence should start with " it is a place that is isolated from a bustling and flourishing city"
are still living under wooden hut
^ wooden huts**
The families, especially the elders and children are suffering and dread
^ It should be, "The families, especially the elders and children, are..."
It is my responsibility as a civil engineering
^ civil engineer*
-the next sentence states talks about what you need to possess TO BE a successful civil engineer.
but this sentence right here implies you already are a civil engineer...
When I was in my high school
^ when i was in high school... dont need "my."
Besides that, I was also the organizing chairperson to organize various
^ an organizing chairperson means that you organize, so you dont need to say that you organize various activities...
just say various activities.
help to maintain and improve the high standard of the university.
^ maintain and improve? which one is it? you cant do both can you?
i feel like from one paragraph to the next there really isn't much of a connection.
it seems like they are all different topics - in a way.
1) you talk a lot about the negative things that happen to our earth.
and somehow building houses for people to live in will solve for that problem...doesn't it contribute more to pollution and global warming in the long run...
2) the second paragraph is about your home village and all the natural disasters that occur. How does that relate to the first paragraph? I mean you talk about being a civil engineer, but it doesn't connect in and of itself.
3) Then you go on talking about leadership. Which basically is the part that answers the most important part of the prompt.
well, i actually may be wrong. haha so lets see what others say ;)))