Working with Grandfather in Ice Cream Truck;SOP/Marketing/Canadian School of Business

Guys,i am working on the idea to convince the admission commitee of the school that i am creative and good marketer since my childhood,

i wrote the below story and please rank it ,is it standard Or excellent Or conventional one,please correct my grammer mistakes as well.

Note: The admission commitee is filtering 100 statements of different students worldwide and finalize 10 of them to be accepted.

My interest in Marketing start when I was at my high School, I insisted to work with my Grandfather in his Ice Cream Truck to earn money for my living standard, I found myself much hungry for new ideas in order to increase my Grandfather sales volume of his products, so I started to think how to be different and unique among others, so I began with putting my touch to make the ice cream truck more stylish and colorful in order to attract customers, I worked on the idea of Games and Prizes for kids to approach them, as well as hiring friendly stuff and distribute different flyers about our new offers each month, that really attracts a lot of clients, and at the end we create brand awareness in our area with our special fun environment ,We are considered to be the first Ice Cream truck in the city with the concept of delivering our products to households and passing out 3000 CDs of Michel Jackson new album release of the year to different customers ,Finally we worked on promoting a national singer while crossing our cities with his ads along our Truck and that's really paying off, Eventually my Grandfather sales was booming at that time to be tripled, I was so glad that I have the talent of promotions and guerilla marketing and a lot of my family members endorsed me to be a successful marketer.

Thanks in advance

I didnt find any mistake ...
but your essay is conventional one

You need to change punctuation from comma to full-stop throughout this para.


... everybody starts their responses saying that there passions or interest start at some age...so, let's present this differently;
During high school I worked with my Grandfather in his Ice Cream Truck to earn some money to support my living expenses. That was the advent of my interest in the field of marketing. I still remember how I persuaded my grandfather in giving a more attractive catchy look to our truck, organizing games and prizes to approach the kids, accessing various data bases to send out flyers to inform our promotions ....