This has to be just 500 char. Please give me your opinions!!
To me, Yale epitomizes the golden balance. The combination between specialized knowledge and broad liberal arts background is the most apt for my intended career: Neuroscience, which blends both biology and psychology. Yale will give me the opportunity to gain an excellent education, without having to give up from my passions, as volleyball and theater. I want to embrace life fully, that's why I see Yale as the perfect architect of my future.
(446 char., so if I need to expand on anything a bit, I may)
You have a talent in making your words flow smoothly and capturing emotion, but I feel like for one of those "why this school" prompt, it's simply not specific enough. I could probably replace Yale with Brown or another school, because there are hundreds of universities that emphasize a balance. Try to incorporate specific things about yale, or anecdotes that give you more of a personality
Best of luck!
Please give some feedback on my essays!
"...without having to give up my passions, such as volleyball and theater."
"I want to embrace life fully, and that's why I see Yale as the perfect architect of my future."
These are just small grammatical errors
Also, I'm not sure that "architect of my future" is the right way to describe a college. It sounds like Yale is turning you into something new, and that you are not involved in this process. I would suggest something that sounds just as cool, but makes it seem more like Yale is going to facilitate your growth. But of course, in the end, it's up to you.
Thank you for your feedback. Could you help me find any word suitable to replace "architect"?
With architect I actually meant just shaping, because the substance is already there, if you know what i mean.
Since you have characters left, maybe you can mention some specific program or group (a theater club, intramural volleyball) You could also talk about what exactly led to your decision to apply (research done by the neuroscience department, someone who went to Yale whom you know, etc)
good luck!!
Your short answer is well written. However, I have to agree with gumdrop 41, it doesn't sound personal for Yale. Maybe you could incorporate something special about their particular program dealing with theater, volleyball,or the neuroscience department.
good luck :)
