Unanswered [5] / Urgent [0] / SERVICES
  

Writing Feedback Posts: 2

Ielts Writing Task 1 (Academic, barchart) - Employment Rates by Country, 1995-2005


BichThuy29 1 / -  
Dec 5, 2018   #1
This task is a little difficult for me. Please check this essay if you have time. Thank you in advance

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

The graph below shows information on employment rates across 6 countries in 1995 and 2005.

Summarise the information by choosing and describe the main idea, and make comparisons where appropriate.

ยป Write at least 150 words.


Employment Rates by Country, 1995-2005

(Please check attached file to see the picture)

Answer:

The supplied bar graph compares the employment rates between working men and women in 6 different countries including Australia, Switzerland, Iceland, UK, New Zealand and the USA for the years 1995 and 2005.

It is clear that more men were employed than that of women in all of the given six nations. the second biggest point is that the employment conditions in Iceland, Switzerland were comparatively better than the other four countries.

As is observed from the given data, the gap between male and female job holders ranged from approximately 10% to 18% over the six countries in the time mentioned. The greatest scale occurred in New Zealand and USA in the year 2005. Specifically, there was about 62 percent of men who had a job, but only 44 percent of women were employed in the USA whereas these figures were 42 percent and 24 percent respectively in New Zealand. On the contrary, Iceland was the place where showed the smallest difference in the percentage of male and female workers. It was 52 percent for men and this sector for women was nearly 42 percent.

For male gender, among 6 countries above, it can be seen that labor market was by far the most abundant in Iceland with approximately 71 percent and 83 percent of men were hired in 1995 and 2005 respectively. For female gender, Switzerland was the place where satisfied the highest ratio demand for job seekers. According to the statistic, 55 percent and 68 percent of women could find their job in 1995 and 2005 respectively.




forielts 4 / 8  
Dec 7, 2018   #2
Hi,

I guess you linked the wrong image so I cannot give any specific suggestions regarding your essy. However, it seems like you wrote too much, which was not encouraged as you will running out of time for task 2.

Also, from the prompt it seems like two different time is compared in the chart, so I supposed to see words like 'increased' ' decreaded' in your body paragraph, which indicates the changes during the time.

cheers.


Home / Writing Feedback / Ielts Writing Task 1 (Academic, barchart) - Employment Rates by Country, 1995-2005