Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 3


Adolescents should be taught to compete, since this brings a decision maker skills for their future



hasdymath 11 / 20  
Nov 2, 2015   #1
Some people think that a sense of competition children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are thought to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give own opinion.

--------------------------------------------------

In general, adolescents should be taught to compete, since this brings such as a better decision maker for their future. However, it is believed that children are more likely to be useful persons such as good relationship in their adult age, if children are given a co-operation learning.

Apparently a strong competition leads children to be a great person. It is true due to the fact that this method is going to drive them to be a good decision maker. A 2009 recent Australian National University research showed 90% of pupils in Toronto, Canada were required to join in minimal five national competitions. This regulation should be done before students graduated from the second level education. As a result of this, most students who were working in a company clearly took a brief decision when they faced a problem. From this, competition among children is child needs.

In contrast, children are taught to co-operate seem to have better relationship, as long as they learn how to socialize to other people around them. In addition, co-operative children are able to know about other character and psychology people, inasmuch as they always meet and share with different friends. Finally, children could control their emotion when they have a problem, since they used to seat together with different people.

In conclusion, although children who are thought about co-operation bring huge benefits in the next time, it is believed that children provided encouragement of competition are more likely to be useful in their adult age. Where possible, it is better to mix these principal methods, since these bring merit in both.

akbarmappiare 31 / 445  
Nov 4, 2015   #2
Assalamu alaikum wr.wb
your writing has been good, but you must remember about placing comma

Apparently (you must use comma)a strong competition leads children to be a great person.
fadh93 6 / 11  
Nov 11, 2015   #3
Hi Hasdy

In general, adolescents should be taught to compete, since this brings such as a better decision maker for their future.
- this brings a better decision-making skill for their future

I don't think that 'In contrast' in paragraph 3 is appropriate to be used. I think it is more appropriate if you use in addition because you do not contrast anything.

Cheers!


Home / Writing Feedback / Adolescents should be taught to compete, since this brings a decision maker skills for their future
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Need professional help with your assignments? Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳