IELTS Task 1 : Adult educational survey report

Hellloow Friends...
I wrote this task in 20 minutes, please kindly corrected mine, thank you
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The charts depict a report of an educational survey in terms of why they study and whether the share of educational fee should be shared.

Overall, the majority of adults tend to study due to their interest in subject while two fifth adult think that educational course fee should be shared individually.

Turning to the details, adult think that 25 percent of educational fee should be shared by the taxpayer. However, other 35 percent of educational fee is the responsible of employer.

Move onto the pie chart, there is the highest percentage by 40 percent adult study aims due to their subject's interest, while the following aim to gain qualification by 22 percent adult. However, purposing in ability to change job come 12 percent, and is followed by the least 9 percent adult study to meet people.

Interestingly, while the bar chart shows the variety percentage, the resemblance percentage by 20 percent adults either enjoying study process or due to improve prospects of promotion is occurred.

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Hello.. I am sure no one can't even see the picture in details. It is too small, dear :D


Faulty parallelism
Please visit this link to see the possible suggestion: grammartips.homestead.com/parallelism1.html



I feel the word 'Think' sounds too clumsy here



responsible for

The bar chart provides information about the reasons for studying of adults and the pie chart illustrates how tuition fees should be shared among individuals, employers and taxpayers.


You don't need to give data in the overview paragraph. You had better save it for your next paragraph, where you just mention the percentages of the other two subjects.

Overall, the majority of adults tend to study due to their interest in subject while individuals should be responsible for the highest proportion of educational fees.


I find this phrase kinda redundant.


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,


You could omit all these phrases.


You don't have to have a separate paragraph about this feature. It should be placed in your previous paragraph so that you could compare with other proportions.

Hellow, eddies :DDDDDD
Here the bigger one.

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Helllowww, MisterWandering


I am very glad when you come to correct my writing. It means that i will get better sentence and appropriate vocabularies. Thank you for always scrutinize my careless :D

In my previous, you also suggest me to avoid the similar phrases. I have a confusion why it should be omitted while as far as my ability those phrases help me to guide reader in which part I want to mention ?

would you kindly give me explanations ? :D

First, your diagram is too small and it is not at all readable for a blind person like me :D

The charts depictpresent the findingsa report of an educational survey in terms of why theydo students study and whether the share ofhow does the educational fee should beis shared.

Hi, Sekar! I told you this because I'm afraid that these phrases do not add much value to your paragraph. I think you could start your body paragraph directly with the features of the chart you are going to describe. For example, in your first body, you could say: Individuals are thought to share the highest proportion of education fees with 40%.

I hope this helps!

.. I see, MisterWandering
I should be sharped my observation to the trend to make better coherence and cohesion without using invaluable phrase, thank you...w1

Let me give a few edits:
A subject's preference breaks a record as the highest percentage. Gaining qualification, this shows 22 percent of participants. However, there seems a slight gap between the opportunity for changing the job and meeting people, with twelve and 9 percent of participants.

Heloooow eddies :DD


I have confused about consistency in writing.While i see in your sample,the usage of number and word, can conclude it is permitted in writing, and there is not part of inconsistency ?. Then, what kind of inconsistency itself? Have you a link for me to read ?

Hellow, Dumi


why I said "they", this is vague.I have yet mentioned the reference of "they" before :(((((


... thank you for this


My apology, dumi. I often make troubles when uploading picture T.T

I think we have not discuss this area yet.


What you have explained is good, but hard for me to understand. Please say it in a simple way.

:(( I, see.


Let me try to explain, eddies. I saw your editing


... I have curious why you write number in different ways, "9" and"twelve". In my mind, it looks like inconsistent. So, I asked you. Is that good when we write such way in IELTS and is it not categorized as inconsistency ? If there is not, what is inconsistency itself ?.

Actually, I really proud that you are willing to give me some sources that I can read.
Hopefully this quite understand to you. Thank you..

The answer sadly says "I dunno what the inconsistency is." I never ever read and heard about that.


Go get Google :D

The pie chart reveals that the cost of subject had been borne by 40% of the cost of higher education had been borne by individuals while 35% of the total cost had been borne by the employer. .... Also tell something about the bar chart too :)