IELTS essay - why adults decide to study; shared cost of each course

The chart shows the reason why adults decide to study and the pie chart explains how the cost of each course should be shared. It can be seen that most of the adult choose stduy because of special interest in their subject, last one is for meeting other people.

Major opinions are because of their interest in particullary subject, 40%. Just a little under 40% adults for gaining qualifications. 22% of them get adult education to helpful for their current job. To improve the prospects of promotion and enjoy learning, studying are 1 in 5. To able to change jobs only 12%. Almost the same as to change jobs, 9% decide adult education to meet other people.

Looking at the pie chart we see that 40% people think that each course cost should be shared individually. A quarter of peoples opinion is cost of adult education should be shared taxpayer. And 35% think that all cost should be shared with employers.

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Yes, you are right. But my exam is on 5 April. So I must improve my skill very quickly. If you have any suggestion or any model answer which like what you said, please let me know.

Don't reuse the words given in the prompt. Try to paraphrase them:
The bar chart illustrates seven motivating factors in adult education in percentage terms. The pie chart presents data concerning the contribution to the tuition fees of individuals, employers and taxpayers.




while the reason for meeting other people accounts for the lowest proportion.


40% of adults decide to study because of their interest in subject



The proportions of those who study to improve the prospects of promotion and enjoy learning are equal, with 20% each.


The percentages of the other two reasons are slightly lower, with 12% for people who want to change jobs and 9% for meeting other people.

this is the introduction that I've got from my teacher here,I've used it for along time and the result shows better than the shorter one. so that, I suggest you to follow this pattern, hope it will work with you

case/issue = use what,who,where,when,why, and how to help you construct the issue
your position/opinion = agree/disagree, advantage/disadvantage, your opinion, your idea, etc
thesis statement =this essay would examine . . ..
this essay would discuss . . . .

thank you very much for your corrections

Hope this can cover the data presented in the bar chart:
A subject's preference breaks a record as the highest percentage. Gaining qualification, this shows 22 percent of participants. However, there seems a slight gap between the opportunity for changing the job and meeting people, with twelve and 9 percent of participants.