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Writing task 1 : adults' study and how the costs of courses should be shared


Hammy 13 / 35  
Feb 24, 2019   #1

reasons of adults' study and how its cost should be shared



The bar chart and the pie chart give us information of the reasons why adults decide to study and how people think the costs of adult education should be shared.

The bar chart shows that major reasons of adults' study are they want to learn a certain subject and gain qualifications which take 40 percent and 38 percent. Besides, study reasons as a tool for adults' job or to improve prospects of promotion or to simply enjoy learning also hold approximately 20 percent for each one. At last, reasons of having opportunity to change job and meeting people take only 12 percent and 9 percent.

Next to the pie chart, the information is given that the main part of the costs of each course should be shared by individual, 40 percent. Taxpayer and employer should share with 25 percent and 35 percent in turn for this.

Overall, the bar chart refers the main reason for adults' study is interest in subject and how the costs of each course should be shared by individual, taxpayer and employer by the pie chart.

Thanks for reading, leave me a comment, please...




myngoc311 5 / 18 5  
Feb 25, 2019   #2
Introduction: In my opinion, you need to do more paraphrase and write concisely;

The bar chart and the ... of lists the reasons ... to study pursue further education and how people think , while the pie chart illustrates adults' opinions on how to share the costs of adult education should be shared.

2nd paragraph: Adult education is actually a real word, so a paraphrase of it sounds odd to me. I fixed a couple places for this 2nd paragraph. I think your main problem is that you tend to write very complex sentences, which may lead to confusion. I know IELTS prefer complex sentences but be careful of overusing it. Your sentence which starts with Besides has problem with parallelism grammar. You used Noun and to-do verb together in a list. Also, for is used with N or V-ing only.

The bar chart shows that major the main reasons of adults' study adult education are that they want ... qualifications, which take ... 38 percent, respectively. Besides, study reasons as education is seen as a tool for adults' job improving work performance or to ... promotion, enhancing promotion prospects, or to simply enjoy for the love of learning. These three reasons also hold approximately 20 percent for each one. ... having an opportunity to change job and meeting to meet people ... 9 percent, respectively.

I hope my feedback is helpful. If so, please improve the rest upon these feedback and I hope to help the remaining. Also, if you could help, please come to my thread and help my interview question out too. Thank you so much.
OP Hammy 13 / 35  
Feb 25, 2019   #3
i'll try to do better at the next essay
thanks for your detailed comment, i love it <3


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