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ielts essay: Advantages of attending school from a young age



gingerpopo 2 / 1  
May 17, 2010   #1
hi guys! i'll be grateful to help me in finding my errors .my aim is a 7 in ielts writing i do not know how to improve my essay.any ideas about grammar vocabs ..?

Some people believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and playing until they are 6 or 7 others believe that it is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible ,what are the advantages of attending school from a young age ?

Childhood is considered as an important period in shaping one's personality. It is believed by some people that staying at home and playing until age 6 or 7 is justified while many others disagreeing ,consider going to school from younger ages is necessary. This essay will examine both views.

Emphasizing on the importance of playing in children's education the main reason to stress is that children learn many different aspects of social and personal development while playing. Importantly, they can learn how to solve a problem. Moreover, according to psychologists playing has a direct positive impact on brain.

Nevertheless, considering the subject into a closer consideration there are convincible reasons that prove going to school from a younger age is a necessity. First of all, in our modern society while children of age 3 can easily come up with using a computer. Typically children play with computers lonely for hours so they can hardly fine a time to play with their friends. This matter has negatively influenced social connection ability among this age group, whereas at schools they learn how to act as a member of a group as well as learning how to cooperate with each other.

Secondly, it is proved that from age 2 to 6 the maximum brain development occurs, for instance they learn most of the vocabulary that they would use during their lifetime. It seems that children who have been sent to kindergartens before age 6 would be more successful in their upcoming educational years at school.

Last but not least, one of the most important advantages of going to school is learning how to think and behave independently. However, if parents wish to teach their children at home there should exist special carefully designed courses for them to participate in.

in conclusion, childhood is a critical period in one's development in multiple dimensions. Since school can effectively meet the needs of a child in every educational field; in my personal view, going to school can really help children to be successful in future.

prince303 5 / 10  
May 18, 2010   #2
HI..SEPIDEH
You have some grammatical errors in your essay.Which i guess, already been corrected by other users. Just remember one thing that, your essay should be well structured. Try to write 4 paragraphs or maximum 5. First intro, 2nd and 3rd body and last for conclusion.

If its a agree or disagree essay, give 2 reasons to support your opinion in body, one in each para.
State your opinion clearly in introduction.

If its a advantages and disadvantages essay.. than write advantages in one and disadvantage in other. and write your opinion in conclusion.

And stop using secondly, lastly and firstly. Try to use different words and sentences. For example, one of the most significant reasons to support the argument is....

Another reason to concrete my opinion is...

Despite some drawbacks, there is a brighter side of enrolling in school at an early age.

Best of luck, May god speed u.


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