TOEFL: Advertising causing people to impulsively buy things

TOEFL: How does advertising influence people's behavior?

In today's society, many ways to earn money have emerged from business. Advertising is one of them and the best way to attract attention from others to buy a particular product. Advertisement exists in many different forms. Companies look for competent employees using their websites and newspapers. The method of advertising best known to people is used mostly between television shows. After a drama or comedy show ends, people get a chance to watch an advertisement. In my opinion, advertising causes impulse purchases and makes others earn more money.

First of all, advertising is well known to people for causing impulse purchases. For example, my mother likes to watch a comedy show after a long work every day. It is not a surprising fact that she faces certain advertisements on televisions. If there is any product that seems useful, she immediately grabs her phone and order it without much thinking and consideration. It quite frustrates me that she sometimes does not spend her money for good purposes.

Secondly, using advertisement is one of the best ways to earn money. After a person creatively invents his first product which can help people to a large extent, a huge business comes to his mind. In order for his to earn money efficiently, letting many people know his product is his first important job. For instance, one of my relatives invented a useful machine few years ago. He wanted to earn money. What he did next was to advertise his machine via newspapers and online shops. Therefore, he could successfully grow his business and make a massive income.

In conclusion, advertising influences people's behavior to do many different things such as causing people to impulsively buy things and attracting others to buy them to gain lots of money. If I have a trouble selling products in the future, I shall make a use of advertisements.

Word count: 312
Time given: 30 mins
Time left: 3 mins 54 secs

I was busy writing this essay with the given 30 minutes so I'm not sure if they makes sense.
Any feedback is welcome.

Kode, I won't be able to properly assess this essay because of the lack of the original prompt requirement. Please remember that all the reviews for the essays are based upon the baseline criteria set by the original prompt. At this point, I only have the topic sentence as a part of the title, but I do not have information about the discussion style and additional information that should be considered in the writing of the essay.

One overall observation that I can make about this essay is the inconsistency in the sentence count per paragraph. You have a tendency to go over the 5 sentence limitation. While it is good for you to write more than the required word minimum, it is important to stay within a controllable limit because of the time constraint. 5 sentences per paragraph is deemed to be the most effective method of writing because it easily allows you a little extra time to revise and edit the essay. You don't have to read too much before you can start editing.

If you want to get the best possible score, you should make sure to avoid long sentences because that limits your ability to show off your English writing skills. By writing short sentences, your paragraphs become more interesting and easier to follow in terms of discussion.

I hope my general review of your essay will be of help to you. I could have offered a more effective review if I had a copy of the original prompt. Maybe you can provide the prompt for your second essay so I can better assess your work for that one. I look forward to reading your upcoming practice essay.

@Holt
Thank you for your response but I have a difficulty understanding the first paragraph of your feedback:

"I won't be able to properly assess this essay because of the lack of the original prompt requirement. Please remember that all the reviews for the essays are based upon the baseline criteria set by the original prompt. At this point, I only have the topic sentence as a part of the title, but I do not have information about the discussion style and additional information that should be considered in the writing of the essay."

My questions are:
1. What is the "original prompt requirement"? I'd be really glad if details are explained.
2. Discussion style? What exactly is it?