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IELTS task1 Ages of the populations in Yemen and Italy


Wendy0604 3 / 7 2  
Aug 7, 2017   #1
Hi everyone,
Please check out my essay and give me some advice. I am really thankful for all of you who help me improve my IELTS writing skills.

Thank you so much.

I am wondering
1. whether using the future tense for the 2050 charts is correct?
because I use past tense for 2000 charts.
2. the word "represent" and "stand for " are used correctly?
3. if the essay structure should be revised?

ESSAY

number of younger and older citizens in two countries



The four given pie charts illustrate the percentages of the ages of the populations in two countries, Yemen and Italy, during the years of 2000 and 2050. Overall, there are three slices, representing 0-14 years, 15-59 years and 60+ years in each pie chart. In addition, the part of 15-59 years is the largest proportion among the three.

In 2000, the percentage of 0-14 years in Yemen was just over half (50.1%) and the data of 15-59 years was 46.3%. The rest, standing for over 60 years, was only 3.6%. After 50 years, the slice of 0-14 years in Yemen will decrease to 37%, while the age from 15-59 years will rise up by 11% to 57.3%. The elderly, similarly, will increase to 5.7%.

In terms of Italian, the percentage of 0-14 years was much less in contrast to the part in Yemen in 2002, with only 14.3% of people. Approximately 61.6% of Italian, however, represented the part of 15-59 years, and 24.1% was the old people. A few changes are predicted to happen in Italy over the period from 2000 to 2050. 46.2% of Italian will be aged between 15-59 years. Surprisingly, the aged will rocket up to 42.3% ,whereas the youths at the age from 0 to 14 will be only 11.5%.

Sincerely thank anyone who gives me any suggestions beforehand.




Holt - / 7,527 2001  
Aug 7, 2017   #2
Wendy, you are definitely correct in using the past tense for the year 2000 and the future tense for the year 2050 since that has yet to happen. There was an error in your opening statement though. You immediately presented information from the chart regarding the largest population among the 3 listed age groups. A more proper presentation for this outline would have been as follows:

Four pie charts, representing various population ages in 2 countries, representing 2 different years, are presented in the charts. The year 2000 figures are the basis for the predicted population of the same age groups in the year 2050. The age groups represented by each slice of the pie charts are 0-14 years, 15-59, and lastly, 60+ ages.

It would have further helped your summary if you had included a paraphrase of the discussion instructions as well.
Overall, your analysis was as insightful as it could be. You showed that you tried to analyze the charts as best as you could and you did acceptable work in the grammar department. So you should get a decent score for this essay.
smvicp 3 / 4 3  
Aug 8, 2017   #3
I heard from my tutor that if you use given in first of the essay it won't have to mean because there are in the pic and it is not necessary to mention
OP Wendy0604 3 / 7 2  
Aug 10, 2017   #4
@Holt
Thank you for all advice. I appreciate and will keep practicing my writing. Also, thank you for pointing out the error in the opening. I will be aware of that point next time. Your response help me a lot.

@smvicp
Thank you for telling me what your tutor have taught you. I will keep that in mind next time.


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