Allah always gives the perfect and most suitable things for us, so we must trust Him and do our best

Hello my name is nermeen.I am new here. I am so glad I `m here.I would be appreciate you very much for helping me improve my narrative essay about a turning point in my life .

here is my essay:

It was one of those golden moments in my life finally, my dream neared to came true , I had got very good marks in high school .which made me believe that I will apply to the faculty of my dream a lot " Mass communication " .

However, unexpected thing had happened, my dream turned into a hopeless thing like nightmare because, I have not Join by it. moreover, I Join in the Faculty of Al-alsun which was far away my hops and I personally believed That it isn't any different between Al-alsun and ta-king courses, but I didn't feel as "the end of the world " because , my father and mother support me a lot .

Then a couple of days later I started to like Al-alsun and decided to achieve myself on it. moreover, by days I discovered that" Al-alsun is the most suitable faculty for me" . Also , I found myself on it, adapt with it and know that "It isn't like my idea about in the past". Because it will develop my skills and help me to be a good thinker not just student.

Finally, it is clear that to me "Allah always gives us the perfect and suitable thing for us. So, we must only trust in Allah and do our best.

Hi Nermeen,
there are several suggestions,


redundant expression


it should be = adopt

you should put a coma appropriately.






you should put a coma appropriately.


Whats more, in my opinion, as an introduce paragraph, it is not really necessary if you start your sentence with "it". if you do this, you seems to do not have strong argument. furthermore, your essay would be read ambiguously. I tend to be convinced that the readers of your essay would confused with your introduce sentence. The possible question is = "it refer to what", whereas you already have put a tittle above your essay.

As a consequence, this is my suggestion for you :

1.) in the first paragraph you can use it as introduction which is contained by the main points of your essay. You can put wise words as well, to make your essay more interesting to be read.

for example =

I am strongly believed that everyone is an architect of his fortune. This perspective has encouraged positively my self to do the best thing during my lifetime. Furthermore, it stimulates me to do more efforts to catch my dreams and my goals. Fortunately, I have reached a few number of my goals and my dreams. One of those cases is happen several years ago when I was a student in senior high school. I had got an excellent point in my school and I had became one of the best students when I was graduated from my senior high school. It leads me to pursue confidently my long-term goal which become mass communication expert in the future. Therefore, I would like to apply mass communication subject in your institution, as it a bridge to go to my long-term goal.

KEEP SPIRIT, KEEP STUDY!