Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

alternatives of learning - help me to improve my CBEST writing essay

Juliah 3 / 4 1  
Sep 19, 2015   #1
I am preparing for CBEST exam, I want to became a Spanish teacher. This is the last test that I need to pass, and I am trying to write one test a day. Please help me to improve my writing. Any comment is welcome.

Comment - one more unhelpful post in other student's topic = suspension.

Many recent high school graduates discover that, despite possessing a high school diploma, they have no specific skills to enable them to obtain employment. Explain your feelings about introducing a vocational skills program as an alternative choice to the academic high school curriculum.

Almost all the high schools in the United States prepare students in academic skills rather than vocational in vocational skills. Are all the students mean to be successful in academic skills? Or these students should have the opportunity to success other areas of learning. After reflecting on the idea of introducing a vocational skill program as an alternative for high school students, I came to the conclusion that this program could be very beneficial for students and society because students could show more interest in learning, they can explore other skills besides academics, and a vocational program could diminish frustration and failure in students' life too.

People only learn what it is interesting and relevant for them; some students are not interested in learning school subjects, and they fail on this purpose. But if students have the opportunity to learn what they like it, they mostly are going to be successful on it. For instance, I was trying to teach my daughter the letters of the alphabet when she was four years old. For this project, I bought many kinds of gadget for her to help her learning such as puzzles, books, stickers, and beads, but she did not show any interest on it. About the same time, we were reading books about dolphins and animals from the sea, and she really wanted to know more about them, so we took her to the Pacific Aquarium. On our visit, she asked many of the experts about the lives and body parts of the dolphins. Now, she can explain anybody about these animals because she learned about them-she wanted to learn.

By giving students the opportunity of experiencing new skills, students can discover their real talents. Many students think that because they are not good at school, they cannot be virtuous at doing anything else. As an example, in my last year of high school, my school principal gave us the opportunity of taking some vocational classes at the occupational center of my city. For many of us it was only a fun experience, but for one of my classmates was the beginning of his career as a jewelry designer. Now, as a famous jewelry artist, he travels around the world showing his pieces of art. He probably had not discovered his ability making jewelry if he did not have the opportunity to learn early in life.

Also, a vocation skill program could be a lifesaver for many students that did not do well in academics, and they believe that they are good for nothing, ending up in gangs or drugs abuse. Students have to understand that society needs many kinds of services and not all are fulfilled by the students that go to college. Manual abilities are also important and valuable for society. To illustrate, last year, I was taking cake decorating classes at the West Valley Occupational Center in Woodland Hills, California, and one of my peers was studying to pass her GED exam. She was very frustrated and felt depressed about not passing her test yet. At the end of the class semester, she discovered that she was very good making wedding cakes so she started cake decorating as her business. Now, her attitude about life had changed. She is very happy about what she does for a living, and she does not feel depressed anymore. Learning how to make cakes not only gave her an income, but also a new reason of happiness in life.

In conclusion, giving students other alternatives of learning is not only beneficial for students that benefit by learning what they like and have the opportunity of practicing other skills, but also for society that needs highly qualified, motivated professionals in all the working areas. Specialization in all kind of skills should be offered as an alternative early in students' life. After all, we not only need engineers or lawyer; we also need bakers and carpenter. And why not to be a lawyer, who knows carpentry.
vangiespen - / 4,133 1449  
Sep 19, 2015   #2
Julia, a direct to the point essay is always the best essay to write. Doing so will show the examiner or reviewer that you actually understood the prompt and have a ready answer for them to consider. As far as I can tell, the first part of your essay is all composed of word fillers, meant to help you achieve the word count. Don't waste the space with empty words. Make sure that your words and thoughts always matter and leave some sort of impression on the reader. My suggestion is that you totally delete the first half of your essay and open instead with the following:

By giving students the opportunityof experiencing new skills,

- A grammatical correction here: ... opportunity to learn new skills,

This paragraph shows an immediate acknowledgement of the prompt and your personal point of view as well. It serves to strengthen the message of your essay and allows the reader to judge your English comprehension skills. By using personal stories to explain your stand, you depict a persona that clearly explains and supports your stand. Remember, in writing response essays such as this, it is important to make your point as soon as possible so that you can fully utilize the word and time limitations.

Might suggest that you also add a portion that discusses your personal journey in education? Do you feel that you would have done better career-wise if you had veered from formal academics and concentrated instead on vocational training? Sometimes using your personal story / journey also helps you to better analyze your stand on the situation and by letting the reader in on your story, you allow them to realize how much of an impact the prompt has had on you. Once that personal connection is made, the essay takes on a new life and has a deeper meaning for the reader which could prove to be beneficial to you in the long run.

Home / Writing Feedback / alternatives of learning - help me to improve my CBEST writing essay
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳