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My essay on analysis of Commercialism. Scale of 0-5.

mukmuk 6 / 1  
Aug 30, 2007   #1
"Commercialism. Hidden text has become too widespread. It has even crept into schools and places of worship.
Every nation should place limits on what kinds of products, if any, can be sold at
certain events or places."

Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the opinion expressed
above. Support your point of view with reasons and/or examples from your own
experience, observations, or reading.

My Answer:

The argument made is that commercialism has become very widespread and its ramifications have reached even schools and places of worship.Also, the author convinces that every nation should place limits on the products allowed to be sold at certain places or events. While it is true that commerialism is spreading at a faster pace, sometimes it becomes necessary to commerialize the products and services. In my opinion, the government as well as the product company should find a midway about the extent and also the places of commerialism.

One reason why commerialism is becoming so raplidly applicable to different places is that the technology is changing at such a faster speed, that technologies in the recent past are becoming rapidly extinct. To remain competitive in the field, product companies are commerialising their products and services in every plausible way. For example,the spiritual prayers were earlier taught by preists orally in the church. But now, those are becoming readily available on computer CD's and DVD's. Some perople may think that this is commerialisation of spirituality but, to some it may just be a new way of seeking the same goal.

Second reason can be stated that due to golbalisation and shrinking of globe, the product companies are rapidly commercialising to gain competitve advantage in the market for getting an international recognition. For example, a corporate banking company, to reach out to its widespread consumers,may enter into retail banking and win consumers by advertising and automating its services.

Nevertheless, the argument made by the author is true to some extent that commercialism has crept into schools and places of worship. Schools now advertise the quality of thier education and attract a large group of people to enroll into its academic programs.In such cases, it also becomes the responsiblity of the consumer of assuring the quality and then only buy a product or service.

In sum, commercialism has become the necessity of generation and has given signs of spreading its roots deep into society.While in some cases, commercialism has become necessary due to rapid technology growth, its unnecessary participation in some places can be controlled by the government or by the product providing company itself according to the direction of government.

EF_Team2 1 / 1,708  
Aug 30, 2007   #2

My first response on reading this was that you had not really addressed the question asked; upon a second reading, I decided that my first impression was correct. The prompt is not really asking you to give the reasons for commercialism, which is essentially what you did. Let's look closely at the prompt:

"Commercialism. Hidden text has become too widespread. - What is meant by "hidden text"? I don't think they are asking about advertising itself, where "Schools now advertise the quality of thier education" [should be "their]. I believe they are talking about where big corporations insinuate themselves into what were formerly non-commercial areas, such as Pizza Hut providing school lunches or Coca-Cola advertising at football games.

"Every nation should place limits on what kinds of products, if any, can be sold at
certain events or places." - the issue here reaches into freedom of speech and contract. Should there be laws limiting this type of commercialization, or should the free market prevail?

My advice would be to rewrite this essay, focusing more directly on the questions asked.


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