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IELTS TASK 1 - The annual rainfall in Victoria and Washington

amour /  
May 4, 2016   #1
Hi friends, it would be great if you give me some suggestions and assess how much the score of IELTS that will i get by this essay, thanks in advance :)

The annual rainfall in Victoria and Washington is depicted in the bar graphs. Overall, it is noticeable that Washington has average rainfall higher than Victoria throughout the months.

In Victoria, it is revealed that from January to July, the average rainfall decrease gradually, wherein the least amount of precipitation is in July at approximately 15 mm. Thereafter, the trend shows increase respectively from June to December, in which the latter year is the highest amount of precipitation. It is in November and December at roughly 100-105 mm.

On the other hand, Washington has lofty amount of precipitation in all of the months. It is above 65 mm over the year in comparison to Victoria that predominantly under of it. Washington has the highest average rainfall in May at virtually a hundred mm, while the least is in February at approximately seventy mm. Furthermore, from October to January, the figure is stable, with the amount of precipitation at around 78-81 mm.

MaximKlopunov99 13 / 22 4  
May 4, 2016   #2
I'd give you 7 points. It's better to write numbers stated in the table in numbers, e.g. 70, not in letters like you did (seventy).
justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
May 4, 2016   #3
Hi Helene, as I read and analyzed your essay, I must say that it is fairly written. You were able to come up with a an analysis that accurately describes and elaborates the information given on the bar graphs.

Moreover, you have used well chosen words on your essay, you made sure that they stay focus and in the right direction that you trying to focus and lean on to. The facts and the figures of the analysis are written in such a way that the reader will definitely understand your work and the message you are trying to convey.

Overall, the analysis is just as it is in the presentation and I may not be and IELTS examiner, however, judging on how you are able to accurately described the graph and exercise the rules of the language, I would give this analysis an 8, just a little bit more power and conviction when needed and it will be 10. Keep writing.
NourNour 22 / 39 7  
May 7, 2016   #4

1. I think you should use the past simple rather than the present simple tense.

2. shows a significant increase respectively

3. at approximately seventy70 mm

Good luck
tria25 12 / 19 4  
May 9, 2016   #5
your essay is a great essay since you have analyzed it critically. for this great writing, you deserve to get the score mentioned above. I just have a little bit correction for you as follows:

1.you should add the first paragraph with a sentence "unit is measured in mm"

2. it is better to explain the rainfall in Washington in the second paragraph, and is followed by rainfall in Victoria in the next one.

3. another unique feature can be added is you can mention that even though the rainfall in Victoria is lower than in Washington, yet its average rainfall in December hit the highest rate point compared to all amount of precipitation in Washington over the timeframe.

warm regard
Ilmi_03 47 / 69 11  
May 14, 2016   #6
Hy amour,

Here are some suggestions

The charts compares annual rainfall in two different cities in North America. Overall, it can be seen that, while Victoria experience an downward trend from January to July and an upward trend in rest of period. The figure for Washington fluctuate over the period.

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