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GRE Argument Essay : Accepting government funding for Grandview Symphony


cod3r 1 / 2  
Jul 18, 2016   #1
The following appeared in a memo to the board of the Grandview Symphony.

"The city of Grandview has provided annual funding for the Grandview Symphony since the symphony's inception ten years ago. Last year the symphony hired an internationally known conductor, who has been able to attract high-profile guest musicians to perform with the symphony. Since then, private contributions to the symphony have doubled and attendance at the symphony's concerts-in-the-park series has reached new highs. Now that the Grandview Symphony is an established success, it can raise ticket prices. Increased revenue from larger audiences and higher ticket prices will enable the symphony to succeed without funding from the city government."

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.


The memo sent to the board of Grandview Symphony seems possible but is fallacious. The authors of the memo have to discuss all the important aspects before establishing the neccesity of funds from the city government or not. The assumptions stated in the memo lack evidence and need more concrete work on it.

Firstly, the author mentions that the Grandview Symphony was incepted 10 years back, and last year it was able to attract high profile guest musciancs to peroform with the symphony because of an internationally known conductor but does not mention how the other years were, and how succesful was the Grandview Symphony, before last year. It might be possible that only last year it gathered a lot ears and eyes, because of increasing popularity of symphony in the entire world or due to cheaper tickets.

Secondly, the author states that since last year private contributions to symphony have doubled and attendance at concerts in the park series have increased tremendously. The authors underlying assumption is that because of the last year success, the symphony has become an established success. This assumption is flawed as a 10 year tenure of a venture cannot be corwned on the basis of performance one single year. You can not use the past result to deduce future success. It might be true that last year it gathered a lot of success, but in the coming year, maybe if there isn't a high profile guest musician to perform therefore it might gather lesser crowd.

Finally, to increase the ticket price to parry from government funding might be a bad decision for the Symphony, as the author does not mention anything about the plan of this year and who is planning to perform, an unnecesary hike in the ticket might cause a lot of people to spurn from the Symphony. The possibilty of increasing the ticket price and still gathering the same amount of attendees is bleak. The funds from the government can be used for better planning, a bigger space for the audience or better musicians, the revenue further could be used for the symphonys next year budget.

To conclude, the excerpt of the memo needs a far-detailed study before arriving at any conclusion as to whether take funding from the government or not. Several different angles and factors have to be taken into consideration, a blueprint of this years Grandview symphony, to percentage hike in price, to the artists performing has to be considered.

payal1982 10 / 19 5  
Jul 19, 2016   #2
Hi,

Please find my feedback:

Firstly, the author mentions that the Grandview Symphony was incepted 10 years back, and last year ... ----> this sentence is too long and complicated. I will break it down into smaller sentences for a smooth transition. First, the author mentions it was able to.....because of internationally known conductor. However, it does not mention anything about the previous years since its inception a decade ago.

Overall its well written argument

Hope this helps!

Practice Makes you Perfect!
Thanks!
Hiddengrace 6 / 119 68  
Jul 19, 2016   #3
I think you have a great argument and a good start of your essay here! As Payal mentioned, your second paragraph needs to be reworked. The first sentence is really way too long and needs to be simplified and broken down into smaller sentence chunks to make it easier to read. I don't think you need to add firstly, secondly, and thirdly. You can make your points and it will still be succinct and flow well without those.

The author' s underlying assumption apostrophe needed to indicate the assumption belongs to a single author)

10ten year tenure of a venture cannot be corwnedcrowned on the basis of performance one single year. Using numbers is unprofessional, and you have a typo there.

You can not use the past result to deduce future success. I think you should be more specific about what you mean here, as many businesses projected growth and earnings are in fact determined by previous years (at least partially- I assume there are other factors as well).

Finally, to increase the ticket price to parry from government funding might be a bad decision for the Symphony,;as the author does not mention anything about the plan of this year and who is planning to perform, and an unnecesary hike in the ticket might cause a lot of people to spurn from the Symphony.

gathering the same amount of attendees is bleak . I'd try another word instead of bleak. Bleak usual means barren, desolate, or depressing It doesn't really seem to work here, maybe "unknowable?" Bleak just isn't working for me. I know prospects can be bleak, but it just seems out of place.

a bigger space for the audience or better musicians,; the further revenue could even be used for the symphony'snext year budget next year .

any conclusion as to whether to take funding from the government or not.to raise ticket prices or not . The memo is about raising prices, not whether or not to take government funding.

Several different angles and factors have to be taken into consideration, such as a blueprint of this year's Grandview symphony, to the potential percentage hike in price, toand the artists performing has to be considered.

Okay, those are all my notes and feedback. Hope it's helpful. Take care.
OP cod3r 1 / 2  
Jul 21, 2016   #4
Thank you Payal and hiddengrace, for the amazing suggestions.

I realise that second paragraphs first sentence is really long and I should use some sort of demarcation.

I really thought that the this sentence : You can not use the past result to deduce future success, was really a good one, but now I completely agree with your point.

And yes, I have to use semicolons more, I've never used them.

Thanks,
Appreciate the feedback
Hiddengrace 6 / 119 68  
Jul 26, 2016   #5
Hey there, sorry for the delay in getting back to you.

That sentence is good! I just think it needs to be explained why you feel this way! It's a very strong statement and I think you just need to strengthen your argument by saying why you feel this to be true.

Haha, yes, I like semi colons. They're good for when you have two connecting thoughts but you want to break them down into separate sentences to make it easier to understand.

Take care.
bbcheesecake14 10 / 14  
Aug 19, 2016   #6
hii, here is my correction for your essay ;)

before establishing the neccesitynecessity
profile guest musciancsmusician s to peroformperform
and how succesfulsuccessful
10 year >> 10 years
corwned >> crowned
can not >> cannot
unnecesary >> unnecessary
possibilty >> possibility
symphonys >> symphonies

maybe that's all, thanksss


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