Argumentative Essay - Should students be paid for good grades?

Hello ^^
I have an argumentative essay titled 'Should students be paid for getting good grades". Please give some advice in any areas or point out my errors. I am open to all comments since this is my first time doing an argumentative essay. This essay is due soon so I really need help.

English Argumentative Essay - Should kids be paid for good grades?
In childhood, children get a candy for a job well done. In school, students get a treat for a job well done. In society, adults get paid with money for a job well done. However, it seems that students are getting paid for getting good grades lately. Cash incentives are used to motivate students to study harder and achieve better grades. The question now is should students get rewarded with cash for good grades?

Yes, I agree that students can get motivated to study if they are paid for good grades. Providing a monetary reward enables the students to focus and study in class. However, I strongly feel that they should not be paid for their good grades.

One school in Chicago implemented this policy to reward students based on their grades. However, after one year, the school was forced to discontinue this policy due to the lack of funds. Though this policy is effective, it is short- lived; the cost of this policy is not possible for schools to uphold. Some may argue that reducing the amount of cash rewards the students receive would solve the problem. This would also result in the decrease in effectiveness of this policy. As students do not find the cash reward appealing, they would not be motivated to study, which diminishes the purpose of the policy. Thus, this policy would not be sustained for long.

Based on a study made by Massachusetts Institute of Technology, money is not a very effective motivator. If a task is simple, straight forward and involves only mechanical skills; then a higher pay would result in a better performance. However, if the task is complicated that requires conceptual, creative thinking and involves rudimentary cognitive skills; it would not be successful at all. Instead, it would be the complete opposite! Many studies have also proved that recognizing student's accomplishments is the ultimately the best motivator. According to Sylvia Rimm, a child psychologist, consistency plays a much more major role in achievement than money does. For example, top students would also try to maintain their results with consistent effort. Whereas, others who failed give up easily as they find that there is no hope in them getting rewards and compliments. Therefore, money is not a good motivator.

Studying is students' responsibility. Students should study because they want to, not forced to. It is also wrong to lure students into studying by using cash as it gives them an idea that everything revolves around money which is a bitter truth that they are too young to learn. This monetary policy encourages the wrong things. Students may get so caught up in focusing on making more money that they assumed getting good grades is purely for the money and not for learning. Hence, this policy would lose the real purpose of learning in life and also diminishes the purpose of school. Students would lose their interest in learning once the rewards are gone. Moreover, students would not take learning seriously and see not point in learning. Studying benefits one and the good grades one attains would come in handy to land a job and decide one's future. Being paid to study teaches the wrong values to students. They would not be determined to strive harder to get the grades for themselves and not for the money. They would have no sense of satisfaction because all they want is more money. They would lose sight of what really matters.

A science research done by the Royal Society of Art shows that there are three factors that would lead to better personal performance and personal satisfaction. The first factor is autonomy, the desire to be self-directed, to use our judgment and creativity to direct our lives. Second factor is mastery, the urge to excel. People practice and spend time doing things because it is fun and satisfying. Last factor is purpose - a transcendent purpose that goes beyond profit. Students should be motivated by these three factors to achieve better grades.

In conclusion, students should not be paid for getting good grades. In the process, they are being taught the wrong character attributes and confused themselves with what matters and does not matters. Moreover, the policy cannot be sustained due to the lack of funds and studies have also proven that money is a bad motivator.

Thanks for taking you time to read and/or comment!
Bye!

Yes, I agree with the idea that students can getbe motivated to study if they are paid for good grades.

As students do not find the cash reward appealing, they would not be motivated to study, which diminishes the purpose of the policy. Thus, this policy would not be sustained for long.

I wonder, specifically, if you could add any more details about the chicago experiment, when they tried giving money for good grades. I wonder how a student qualified for good grades, was it actually cash, or a gift card? I wonder if they were paid quarterly, or at the end of the year, and if the reward was based in improvement, or only high grades.

If a task is simple, straight forward and involves only mechanical skills; then a higher pay would result in a better performance. However, if the task is complicated that requires conceptual, creative thinking and involves rudimentary cognitive skills; it would not be successful at all.

Excellent point, nice job explaining this contrast.

Whereas, others who failed give up easily as they find that there is no hope in them getting rewards and compliments.
I would re-word and strengthen this sentence, as it is a key point that you are making.

**try to write the introductory paragraph again. Try to make it about 4 to 5 sentences.

One school in Chicago implemented a policy to reward students based on 1) their grades. However, after one year, the school was forced to discontinue this policy due to the lack of funds. 2) Though this policy 3)is effective, it is short-lived; the cost of this policy is not possible for schools to uphold. Some 4)may argue that reducing the amount of cash rewards the students receive would 5) solve the problem. 6) This would also result in the decrease in effectiveness of this policy. 7) As students do not find the cash reward appealing, they would not be motivated to study, which diminishes the purpose of the policy. 8) Thus, this policy would not be sustained for long.

1)Too vague. Be more specific. e.g. for A's and B's. Where's the citation?
2) I prefer "although" to "though" at the beginning of a sentence.
3) Tense switches here. Maintain tense or transition appropriately. Citation?
4) The use of "may" is weak here. Remove. Think about creating another paragraph here.
5) Would it "solve the problem" or "lengthen the program's duration?"
6) You are trying to make a "however" point, but you are unclear.
7) Conditional sentence without the conditional tense. "If students do not find the cash reward appealing, they would be less motivated to study."
8) Conclude with a summation that the program is impossible to sustain in a large urban school district.

Based on a study 9)made by Massachusetts Institute of Technology, money is 10) not a very effective motivator. If a task is simple, straightforward and involves only mechanical skills 11); then a higher pay would result in a better performance. 12) However, if the task is complicated that requires conceptual, creative thinking and involves rudimentary cognitive skills; it would not be successful at all. Instead, it would be the complete opposite! Many studies have also proved that recognizing 13) student's accomplishments is 14) the ultimately the best motivator. According to Sylvia Rimm, a child psychologist, consistency plays a 15) much more major role in achievement than money does. 16) For example, top students would also try to maintain their results with consistent effort. Whereas, others who failed give up easily as they find that there is no hope in them getting rewards and compliments. Therefore, money is not a good motivator.

9) "Made by" to "by researchers at the"
10) "an ineffective motivator."
11) Change the ";" to ","
12) "On the other hand, if the task requires creative thinking and other higher cognitive skills, then performance is not correlated with pay."
13) students'
14) Remove "the"
15) Change "much more major" to "more important." Citation?
16) Change to "She found that students previously rated as 'high-performers' showed consistent effort to maintain their status, whereas students rated as 'low-performers' showed less effort to maintain theirs."

17)"It is also wrong..." Try to avoid this construction in an argumentative essay. Labeling something as "wrong" does not make it wrong.

18) Avoid run-on sentences. "...to lure students into studying by using cash as it gives them an idea that everything revolves around money which is a bitter truth that they are too young to learn." Break up this sentence.

19) "Students may focus too intently on outcomes and assume that good grades equal earnings, not learning." Suggestion

20) I enjoyed reading about the three factors. They make sense.

Overall, I feel that you have good evidence and research, but your analysis is a little weak. Try to ask yourself questions about the studies you read. Can you think up a scenario and apply something you learned to solve it? Also, try to stay in the present tense as much as humanly possible. Very good start.

this introductory is contradictory as be sure they should be paid for good grade or should not be paid.

Yes, I agree that students can get motivated to study if they are paid for good grades. Providing a monetary reward enables the students to focus and study in class. However, I strongly feel that they should not be paid for their good grades.

i did no go further checking, please be sure in what direction are writing read twice and thrice your writing try to find mistakes yourself at first. Type a essay daily in computer and edit yourself.

I liked the essay and the way you expressed it. Nice points you have covered