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Aristotle: 'being happy is essential for our lives to continue'; Happiness and its importance IELTS2



Eric2750230 7 / 10  
Aug 29, 2016   #1
IELTS WRITING TASK 2

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

Assignment: Happiness is considered very important in life. Why is it difficult to define? What factors are important in achieving
happiness?


Please point out my mistakes if there is any, and please grade my essay from 1 to 9.

Over thousands of years before, Aristotle - a renowned Greek philosopher and a great thinker during his time, came to a surprising conclusion that everyone wants to be happy and that being happy is essential for our lives to continue.

As much as our insatiable desire is to be happy; it is a lot more difficult to delineate, since different people have their own definitions of happiness: some link happiness with their relationships, spirituality, religion, accomplishments etc., while others think of happiness on a materialistic level such as increase in wealth, the cars that they own and other valuable items. Happiness is an abstract and a 'normative' concept, hence making it difficult to define.

I think happiness involves having some degree of self-knowledge - knowing our goals and objectives in our lives or what we love to do which by accomplishing would make us happy, for instance, when I was back in high school; I didn't know what career to pursue and the subjects that needs to be chosen according to the different interests in career. I never knew my goals in life and I was depressed. When I went to my counsellor for advice, she guided me and I knew from then on what I wanted to do with my life - the career that I want to pursue. I felt my body with an overwhelming joy and became committed to my studies and passed my exam with more than just the satisfactory grades.

To conclude, happiness is a normative concept and to be happy we need to be wary of what would make us happy, so that we can accomplish the goal and achieve happiness.

hailun11 12 / 12  
Aug 29, 2016   #2
Hello Eric

First of all, actually this question above you should answer, but after I have read your writing closely, I think this essay has not answered the requirement what it wants anyway. And, your thesis statement in the first paragraph still has not showed clearly.

Over thousands of years beforeago , according to Aristotle - a renowned Greek ...

... since different people havehad their own definitions of about what is happiness look like? : some link happiness (...) while others think thatofthe happiness tends on a materialistic level ...

... hence making it is(you are missing verb) difficult to define exactly . (In this paragraph, you are too much for repetition *happiness, actually you can change your word with satisfaction, fulfillment, etc OR perhaps you try to change words through paraphrases anyway, that's better)

Keep writing!
Cheers^^


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