asking for a favor
Cambridge book 10, Test A, Task 1
You are going to another country to study. You would like to do a part-time job while you are studying, so you want to ask a friend who lives there for some help.
Write a letter to this friend. In your letter
1 give details of your study plans
2 explain why you want to get a part-time job
3 suggest how your friend could help you find a job
Dear Kate,
I hope you and your family are doing great. By the way, I have a good news for you; I am coming to America in next April. Because I am going to start my degree at Indiana state university.
Since my parents can only cover the tuition fee of my undergraduate course; I must find a part-time job to cover my accommodation and other living expenses. Moreover, the undergraduate course classes will be having only on weekday mornings during the first year: Hence, I can work in the afternoons, evenings, weekends.
Moreover, I would like to ask you to find a part-time job for me, once I arrive in Indiana. It will be really great if you can find me this part time work at the place you are currently working; because we can spend most of our time together. I would be much obliged if you can give me a feedback at your earliest convenience.
Regards,
Nilendra
I'll have to go through this thoroughly!
Holt Educational Consultant - / 15384 NIlendra, there are number of problems with this essay. The main problem that it has is that you only wrote the required elements of the letter, without considering the tone and presentation. Content-wise, the essay covers the basics, writing ability wise, you have a long way to go when it comes to writing a "friendly" letter in English.
You need to be conscious of your grammar rules. University names are capitalized when written as that is the proper name of a place. You also need to give more details about your study plan in order to convince your friend that you will really need help once you get to the U.S.
Bear in mind that you are supposed to be writing to a friend. Someone whom you have known for a period of time. Hence, the letter should have a warm and hopeful tone in it. Instead, you order your friend to find you a job. As if it is this person's responsibility to gainfully employ you somehow just because you are coming to her country. That is not how a friend would approach this. It has to be a request, based upon specific information. An example of how to write this letter would be :
Dear Kate,
Remember how we use to kid about me coming to America someday? How you would love to show me around and help me get used to a culture so far and different from mine? We thought that was just a piped dream right? Well, I actually worked on making that dream a reality for us. I am finally coming to America as a college student!
I hope you are as excited as I am. I will be attending Indiana State University this coming semester as a Journalism freshman. Yes, it is the same university that you are attending at the moment. The idea of attending the same school as you really has me giddy with anticipation for my coming school year. However, my excitement is facing a slight hitch.
Since my parents can only afford to cover my tuition and school related expenses, they won't be sending me an allowance. They only agreed to let me study in the US if I can provide for myself in other aspects. So I was wondering, is there a chance that you can help me find a part time job?
I know that you work at Bob's Burger as a part-timer. Do you think they can hire an extra hand? I'm available to work afternoons since I only have classes in the morning. If they can't, I hope you can help me track down other part time work possibilities? You know that I will greatly appreciate all the help you can give me while I work on assimilating into the American way of life.
I'll email you the details of my arrival as soon as I have my ticket. I am looking forward to arriving before school starts so that we can spend some time together while I look for work. See you soon !
Your friend,
Based on the above example, I hope you can understand why the score of your essay cannot be higher than a 4.
Hi @Nilendra
. . . to America in next April.
Because I am going to start . . . (don't start a sentence with "because")
. . . my undergraduate course; I must find a part-time job . . . (I don't think using a semicolon is okay here)
. . the first year: Hence, I can work . . . (Instead of using a colon, I'd prefer using a full stop)
. . . are currently working; because we can spend . . . (you don't need a semicolon here)
I would be much obliged if you can . . . (please check the meaning of "obliged"; it's inappropriate in your sentence here)
@Holt
thank you very much. To be honest your letter is the best i've seen. I wish i can write like that. But hopefully, I will try to grasp whatever I can from that letter. thank you again for helping me. specially writing this letter taking your own time. It means a lot to me.