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Australia physical activity - For ESL



plaxnew 1 / -  
1 day ago   #1
The bar chart shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age group who did regular physical activity in 2010.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Write at least 150 words.

My Answer:

The chart displays the percentage in 2010 of Australian males and females that did regular physical activity in distinct age groups.

Overall, doing physical activity was generously done by women rather than men in all groups. However, men in the age group of 15 to 24 dominate the women's numbers.

The men's numbers showed the decreasing trend since the difference between the first group and the last age group reduced by approximately 5% . The men's numbers reached its peak in 15 to 24 which accounted for 52.8%, but then it fell to 39.5% in the age group of 35 to 44 as the lowest number from all age groups.

On the other hand, the women's numbers demonstrated an increasing trend due to the women's numbers rose slightly from the first group to the other. It reached its highest number in the age group of 55 to 64. On the contrary, its smallest percentage was in the age group of 65 and over.


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Holt  Educational Consultant - / 16024  
7 hrs ago   #2
The first error in the presentation can be found in the summary overview. You did not completely identify the image that was provided. It is not just a chart. It is identified as a columnar bar chart. Please familiarize yourself with the identifiers of the various images that are provided for the Task 1 test because the accuracy of the information that you you provide counts towards your final TR score.

The summary overview should also be composed of at least 2 sentences that use at least 40 words in the paragraph. Writing at least 3 short sentences would have helped you meet this word count requirement. Deductions will instead be applied to the preliminary TA score.

Overall, you did not report on all 6 age groups information as provided in the image. This will affect the C+C score as there is a lack of clarity and cohesion in your reporting presentation. I do not believe this essay will get a starting passing score during an actual test.


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